This article examines the grief of ex(s)—spouses as well as ex-fathers, -mothers, -sisters, -brothers, -sons, and -daughters-in-law. Traditionally, such experiences of grief have been disenfranchised since there is no legal recognition of the individual as a griever. The individual does have a continuing role in the narrative and memories of the family. One social reality of contemporary families is the redefinition of roles in the family. The author examines types of ex(s), how ritual attendance and participation can be negotiated, and alternative means for “paying respects.”
Many terms could answer the question, “Who was Abraham Lincoln?” Husband, father, president, emancipator and martyr are appellations attached to the sixteen president. Rarely, however, is griever mentioned and rarely have Lincoln's accumulated losses been examined through a thanatological lens. After early losses of mother, sister, and fiancée, Lincoln came to be described as “a man of sorrows.” The author explores an historical perspective of the impact of Lincoln's multiple losses, and offers a counseling tool—a grief grid--to inventory Lincoln's grief experiences. At a glance, the grid provides a clinician or grief educator insight to the potential impacts of Lincoln's multiple losses. Clinicians can adapt the grief grid for use with clients who have experienced multiple losses to prompt therapeutic reflection as well as for teaching and presentations. Indeed, Lincoln was well “acquainted with grief.
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