Why Parenthood, and Why Now? Gay Men's Motivations for Pursuing Parenthood

Abstract

The current qualitative study of 35 pre-adoptive gay male couples (70 men) examined gay men’s motivations to parent and their reasons for pursuing parenthood at the current time. Similar to heterosexual couples, gay men described a range of psychologically-oriented reasons as shaping their decision to become parents. Some of these (e.g., desire to teach a child tolerance) may have been uniquely shaped by their sexual minority status, and others (e.g., desire to give a child a good home) in part reflect their adoptive status. Men named age, finances, and relationship factors, as well as unique contextual factors such as the need to find and move to gay-friendly neighborhoods, as influencing their readiness to pursue parenthood at the current time. Gay men’s motivations to parent echo normative life course decision-making processes, but also reflect concerns that are uniquely informed by their sexual minority status.

Gay fathers, gay citizenship: on the power of reproductive futurism and assimilation

“…It is clear that this level of depth of conversation about having children was new to a number of the participants and several men expressed gratitude for a space in which to air their thoughts, and learn more about how they see the issue in conversation. This distribution of the wish to be a parent is in itself interesting as it is doubtful that there would have been such an even split with earlier generations of young gay men, suggesting a change in young gay men's identities and expectations about their life course, as has been noted in previous work in the US (Mallon, 2004;Lewin, 2006;Stacey, 2006;Berkowitz, 2007;Rabun & Oswald, 2009;Goldberg et al, 2012). Previous generations of gay men have grown up with an expectation that their sexual identity precluded a parental identity, reinforced within and outside gay communities through public understandings of gay and bisexual lifestyles.…”

“…These themes were further nuanced by the desire amongst several men to become parents at some point in the future but not now. This was often in the context of feeling that it was important to establish a career and home before seriously contemplating parenthood, reflecting a normative developmental trajectory in which one needs to first establish one's own place in the world before bringing another into it, perhaps at least in part due to a sense of needing to warrant their right to do this on account of their own marginalized status as gay men (Goldberg et al, 2012).…”

“…Many participants spoke of 'wanting a normal or conventional life' (read as: white, middle-class, heterosexual) and leaving behind their 'selfish' past, marking out those gay men who refuse this life course trajectory as deficient (see for instance Mallon, 2004). Goldberg et al, (2012) similarly note the way in which two types of gay men are constructed in contemporary (US) narratives of parenthood with those not embracing parenthood positioned as self-centred. By contrast, many of the UK participants spoke of wanting children itself being 'selfish', perhaps reflecting key differences in the conception of the acceptability of gay families for UK working class gay men against US middle-class sensibilities, and the potential concern for the lives of children brought up in non-conventional family situations.…”

Demografía de las parejas homosexuales en España

“…If the intentions of the cohabiting couples depends in great measure on the sense that the cohabitants give to the project of their partner (Hiekel & Castro-Martín, 2014), the decision to have children of the homosexual couples is similar to that of the heterosexual couples (depending on age, economic situation, partner relations, etc. ), but some specifi c elements are added on: for example, the desire to educate a child on the values of tolerance or the need to fi nd a positive residential and social environment with a low risk of discrimination (Goldberg, Downing & Moyer, 2012).…”

Parentalidade em casais homossexuais: Uma revisão sistemática

“…A parentalidade geralmente foi motivada pelo desejo de dar um bom lar para a criança e o momento ideal de tornar-se pai está relacionado à idade, situação financeira e a fase do relacionamento do casal (Goldberg, Downing, et al, 2012). Um dos aspectos importantes foi optar, quando possível, por ter um filho com característica física semelhante a um dos cônjuges para minimizar a diferença (Ryan & Berkowitz, 2009).…”