The Sympathy Card as Cultural Assessment of American Attitudes toward Death, Bereavement and Extending Sympathy: A Replicated Study

Abstract

In 1980, Marsha McGee conducted a study to evaluate the content of sympathy cards to view the American treatment of death, bereavement, and sympathy. She surveyed eighty-seven college students to determine their use of and attitudes toward sympathy cards. Fifteen years later this study replicates that undertaking in an attempt to determine what attitude changes have occurred, if any. One hundred thirty-seven sympathy cards were analyzed, and ninety-three people completed a questionnaire. Data gathered were compared to the original results with the determination that in fact there have been subtle changes in many respects; however, the reluctance to confront death in our expressions of sympathy and to use “that word” remains as staunch as ever.

Consoling the Bereaved: Exploring How Sympathy Cards Influence What People Say

“…Several authors have been testing Burleson’s (2010) person-centeredness model of comforting others, including high, moderate, and low levels of person-centeredness. For example, McCullough’s (2019) analysis of 100 American Greeting and Hallmark sympathy cards found expressions of care to be most common (a high level of person-centeredness), supporting the trend toward increased messaging about care described by Caldwell et al (1998) . Overall, more messages reflected a moderate level of person-centeredness than a high level of person-centeredness.…”

“…Only one card was about advice-giving (a low level of person-centeredness). Like Caldwell et al (1998), Lippy (1977) andMcGee's (1981) findings, McCullough also identified cards that addressed the difficulty in knowing what to say.…”

“…One method used in Western societies to attempt to console bereaved people is to give or send sympathy cards. The little research that has been conducted on the messaging in sympathy cards has focused primarily on death-denying messaging ( Caldwell et al, 1998 ; Lippy, 1977 ; McGee, 1981 ), the role of religion ( Hallett, 2017 ), and the degree of person-centeredness in the message conveyed ( McCullough, 2019 ). Through an analysis of 226 sympathy cards received by four bereaved people, Lippy (1977) found “sympathy” to be the core theme, often expressed with qualifiers such as “deepest” sympathy, suggesting grieving the loss of someone requires greater sympathy than other life events.…”

“…A few excerpts referred to “the importance of time for healing, courage for the future, and the hope that brighter days would lie ahead” (p. 30). Caldwell et al (1998) replicated McGee’s (1981) study with the purpose of comparing their analysis of 137 cards to McGee’s analysis from 15 years prior. Caldwell et al reported subtle changes in sympathy card messaging since McGee’s analysis: messages seemed to be “less formal, more personal, and more like handwritten sentiments” (p. 129).…”

Does My Grief Count? When Ex-Family Grieve

“…Cards are a basic way to express condolence following the death (Caldwell, McGee, & Pryor, 1998). Sending a card may become a prelude to further conversation, conflict abatement, or resolution of tensions.…”