Skilled Support Within Intimate Relationships

Abstract

The literature on social support within dyadic intimate relationships raises a seeming paradox: The availability of support tends to reduce distress, but its actual receipt is often unhelpful and at times engenders feelings of inadequacy, indebtedness, and inequity—unintended but potent side effects of the support transaction. Our review organizes this literature in order to solve the apparent paradox. Specifically, we theorize that, because support attempts are often unskilled and miscarried, they lead to greater costs than benefits. We identify four ways in which dyadic support can be unskillful, ways pertaining to its timing, content, process, or reciprocation. We suggest that when these are addressed, support can regain its intended goals of enhancing dyadic coping, reducing stress, and strengthening relationships.

Attachment orientations and reactivity to humor in a social support context

“…In fact, in many instances, the provision of social support is ineffective or even harmful to partners and their relationship (Rafaeli & Gleason, 2009). Hence, we are still in search of a clearer understanding of what specific components of support are most beneficial to recipients.…”

“…Indeed, a well-documented paradox exists within the support literature: while the perceived availability of support is consistently associated with benefits among support recipients, enacted support-actual support transactions-often generate neutral or even negative outcomes (see Rafaeli & Gleason, 2009, for a review). One approach that clarifies when support is likely to be helpful and why it is sometimes detrimental is the concept of invisible support (Bolger & Amarel, 2007;Bolger, Kessler, & Zuckerman, 2000;Howland & Simpson, 2010).…”

Biological sex and gender role identity as predictors of spousal support provision: a scenario-based study

“…From a clinical point of view, it should be obvious that, until the field gains insights into the determinants of spousal support, the goal of understanding the mechanisms through which partner support serves its protective function against stress, as well as the goal of designing effective supportive interventions, will be difficult to achieve (Rafaeli and Gleason 2009). …”

Buffer or amplifier? Longitudinal effects of social support for functional autonomy/dependence on older adults’ chronic pain experiences.

“…As for not measuring distress, it might have left out a significant part of older adults' pain experiences since both pain and social support are often linked to distress (e.g., Pjanic et al, 2013). It is known that receiving social support might lead to worse psychological outcomes, by undermining individuals' sense of efficacy, self-esteem and autonomy and causing feelings of indebtedness and inequity (e.g., Bolger et al, 2000;Rafaeli & Gleason, 2009). This most often occurs when support signals that the recipient is incapable of coping independently with a stressful situation and is dependent on the provider for help (Rafaeli & Gleason, 2009), i.e., when support promotes functional dependence.…”