Normalizing gay and straight male friendships: A qualitative analysis of beliefs and attitudes in Canada and the United States.

Abstract

This study sought to shed light on the complexity of male cross-orientation friendships by using Sexual Script Theory to critically evaluate how existing masculine sexual scripts may be influencing men’s willingness to enter such friendships. While it is known that men enter friendships with other men across sexual orientation, little to no research exists around their beliefs and attitudes toward these relationships. This qualitative study stems from a larger, mixed-methods study on heterosexual and gay men’s lifestyle habits. It sought to draw these contemporary attitudes from Canadian and American men and investigate how these relationships are viewed to assess men’s willingness to enter them. The sample (N = 982) was drawn from the qualitative section of a questionnaire examining men’s lifestyle habits and their relation to social and sexual attitudes. Participants responded to an open-ended (i.e., essay box) item asking: “Do you think it’s valuable to communities for gay men and straight men to be friends? If so, why? If no, why not?.” Braun and Clarke’s (2006) inductive thematic analysis approach was used to develop a final thematic structure of two main themes and six subthemes with saturation of the responses. The first major theme was that cross-orientation friendship can be a vehicle for growth and social cohesion and the related subthemes were: these friendships can (a) allow for exploration of masculinity, (b) reduce stigma and homophobia, (c) show the value of diversity, and (d) offer exposure to the LGBTQ+ community. The second major theme was that all forms of friendship are valuable and the related subthemes were: (a) friendship is about personal and common interests and (b) sexual orientation should have nothing to do with friendship. The results revealed a general openness and willingness to enter these friendships, with an overall acknowledgment that these relationships are not yet normalized.

“We are okay to be ourselves”: Understanding gay men’s friendships with heterosexual and gay men.

“…This study's finding on how participants conceptualize their sexual orientation within their friendship was also novel. Some participants felt their sexual orientation did not matter within true friendships, similar to recent work by Johnston et al (2021), where both gay and heterosexual men expressed that sexual orientation was not as important as other qualities within a friendship. While acceptance was important for some, we also found that participants also deeply valued the ability to be authentic about their sexual orientation within their friendships, and that their sexual orientation did matter in how they experienced their friendships.…”

“…Research has demonstrated that heterosexual men who have close friendships with gay men have less apprehension about being intimate with their same-gender friends and less homophobic anxiety overall (Barrett, 2013). Our participants noticed the ways in which their heterosexual friend benefited from their friendships as a way to explore different expressions of masculinity, similar to work by Johnston et al (2021). As such, it is possible that the vulnerability and openness seen by our participants within their friendships with heterosexual men may eventually overflow into heterosexual men’s other friendships.…”

“…Some participants reported that their sexual orientation had little impact on their friendships: “I’ll tell them, but it’s not big, so I don’t think it impacts me making friends, and what I’ve experienced.” (Matt, White, Age 19). Similar to work by Johnston et al (2021), participants, at times, felt their sexual orientation was irrelevant to their friendships.…”

“…In existing literature, romantic and sexual attraction may be a reason for the development of friendships between gay men (Nardi, 1999; Wilkinson et al, 2012), with boundaries between friends and potential partners being less strict. While gay men attend to this boundary more so in their friendships with heterosexual men, there may exist distrust from heterosexual men based on the assumption that gay men have a sexual agenda within their friendships (Johnston et al, 2021). In our study, we similarly found that our participants felt the need to assure their heterosexual friends that they were not romantically or sexually interested in them.…”

“…While attraction may facilitate or strengthen friendships between gay men, attraction in friendships with heterosexual men may be especially unwelcome or met with aggression or homophobia. Indeed, research by Johnston et al (2021) suggests that gay men seek out friendships with heterosexual men that are purely platonic, while heterosexual men may assume that gay men have a sexual or romantic agenda. As such, this study intentionally explores experiences of same-gender friendships when the assumed “safety” of lack of attraction is not applicable, to better understand how gay men navigate their same- and cross-orientation friendships.…”