“We are okay to be ourselves”: Understanding gay men’s friendships with heterosexual and gay men.

Abstract

Friendships are crucial for well-being (Narr et al., 2019), and this may particularly be the case for gay men (Nardi, 1999; Nardi & Sherrod, 1994). One-way friendships have been understood is through the lens of gender segregation, which posits that same-gender friendships are more appropriate and safer than cross-gender friendships, due to a presumed lack of sexual or romantic interest between same-gender friends and similarities in communication preferences. This assertion may not hold true for gay men; however, gay men continue to report close and supportive friendships with other men. In the present study, we qualitatively explored gay men’s same-gender friendships to better understand how sexual orientation and gender influence the development and maintenance of these friendships through interviews with 15 men in the United States. In friendships with heterosexual men, participants reported heterosexism, homophobia, and self-disclosure as potential barriers, but they also reported feeling accepted by their heterosexual friends. In terms of friendships with other gay men, some participants described avoiding friendships with gay men while others reported finding community with gay men. Finally, participants described different ways in which they perceived their sexual orientation to impact their friendships. Taken together, our findings suggest that gender norms and sexual orientation play a role in how gay men experience their friendships with gay and heterosexual men.

Friendship dynamics of young men with non-exclusive sexual orientations: Group diversity, physical intimacy and emotionality

“…Supporting recent quantitative research which found young sexual minorities to have same-gender, cross-sexuality friendships (Davis & Mehta, 2022; Gillespie et al, 2015), mostly gay participants in this study reported friendship diversity, including friendships with straight men with whom they were open about their sexuality. For example, James, a 22-year-old mostly gay student from California, said, “My best friend, David, is 100% straight…Frat guys have much more of an open and liberating perspective on male sexuality… They’re very tolerant [of gay guys].” Similarly, Matthew, a 19-year-old mostly gay student who plays for his university’s football team, said, “I have a few close [straight] friends, mainly Mason and Joey, and there is no homophobia from them.…”

“…Heterosexual men’s friendships have traditionally been framed as lacking emotional depth and segregated by gender, class, race and sexuality (e.g., Bank & Hansford, 2000; Berger & Mallon, 1993). While quantitative research is increasingly finding cross-sexuality friendships and diversity in group composition (e.g., Davis & Mehta, 2022; Gillespie et al, 2015), scant qualitative work on this phenomenon exists. Drawing on interviews with 25 young men with non-exclusive sexual orientations from an elite university, this study advances our understanding of the contemporary dynamics of men’s friendships.…”

“…These tensions can also be countered by the nuanced use of humor and play which simultaneously consolidate cross-sexuality friendships and binary notions of sexual identity (Barrett, 2016; McCormack, 2012). Before considering recent trends related to men’s friendships, including the growth of same-gender, cross-sexuality friendships (e.g., Davis & Mehta, 2022; Gillespie et al, 2015), it is important to consider how sexuality is conceptualized in these contexts.…”

“…Recognition of cross-sexuality friendships is still limited, and research in this area conceptualizes gay and straight sexualities as being exclusively oriented toward one gender (e.g., Davis & Mehta, 2022). This is part of a broader heteronormativity in much relationships research, which focuses on heterosexual friendships and relationships (Junkins et al, 2022;Pollitt et al, 2022).…”

Arguing With Friends vs. Romantic Partners: Do Emerging Adults’ Gender-Typed Conflict Management Strategies Vary by Sexual Orientation?

“…However, in contrast to the earlier findings, sexual minority young women had the most same-gender friends. In addition, qualitative studies of the friendships of gay and lesbian emerging adults have found similar results (Davis & Mehta, 2021; Mehta, 2016). Taken together, these studies provide some support for the idea that gender socialization in childhood peer networks varies by sexual orientation and that all but heterosexual men are socialized in peer contexts with girls.…”