Embracing the Bitter “Truth”: Negative Self-Concepts and Marital Commitment

Abstract

We propose that because self-concepts allow people to predict (and thus control) the responses of others, people want to find support for their self-concepts. They accordingly gravitate toward relationship partners who see them as they see themselves. For people with negative self-views, this means embracing relationship partners who derogate them. Our findings confirmed this reasoning. Just as persons with positive self-concepts were more committed to spouses who thought well of them than to spouses who thought poorly of them, persons with negative self-concepts were more committed to spouses who thought poorly of them than to spouses who thought well of them.

Reassessing the Structure of Enduring Leisure Involvement

“…For example, identity theorists have long suggested that self-verification has important affective consequences, which is a central facet of enduring involvement. Successful self-verification elicits positive emotions such as esteem, happiness, pleasure, satisfaction, pride, mastery, and efficacy (Burke & Stets, 1999, 2009Ellestad & Stets, 1998;Smith-Lovin, 1995;Stets & Tsushima, 1999;Stryker & Burke, 2000;Swann, de la Ronde, & Hixon, 1994;Swann, Hixon, & de la Ronde, 1992). For instance, in Stets' (2003Stets' ( , 2005 series of laboratory studies examining the identity of "worker," employees reported positive emotions when they received self-verifying feedback from managers, that is, congruence between the employees' evaluation of their work and their managers' evaluation of the employees' work.…”

The benefits of positive illusions: Idealization and the construction of satisfaction in close relationships.

“…Individuals should therefore be happier to the extent that they see their partners as they "really" are, rather than as a reflection of their own hopes and ideals. Furthermore, being idealized may only detract from feelings of satisfaction if individuals really want their partners to see them as they see themselves (Swann, Hixon, & De La Ronde, 1992). For example, in a sample of married respondents, Swann and his colleagues {1992) found that individuals were more committed to their relationships to the extent that their partners verified their self-perceptions, even when this involved confirming a negative self-concept.…”

“…Also, even in marriage, being idealized predicted greater satisfaction regardless of whether we focused on abstract interpersonal qualities or more objective qualities, such as those used by Swann et al (1992Swann et al ( ,1994.…”

Is identityper seirrelevant? A contrarian view of self-verification effects

“…For example, students with negative self-views, just like those with positive self-views, are more committed to living with their roommates to the extent that those roommates share their (negative or positive) self-views, but only when they hold those self-views with certainty and regard them as important. [23] This finding recalls another, in which people, even when their self-view is negative, report greater intimacy with partners who see them as they see themselves, but only when their partners are spouses, not dates [24] : see also [11,21] ). The standard interpretation of these findings is that, when identity is more strongly linked to self-views and relationships, it matters more.…”

“…To their credit, Swann and colleagues-perhaps prompted by earlier criticisms [30] -have attempted to rule out at least some explanations for why people with negative selfviews solicit critical (or avoid flattering) information. [11,21,24] It now seems unlikely that the effect can be put down, in any comprehensive way, to people seeking to modify their partner's perception of them, searching for information to help them improve themselves, or looking for like-minded others to validate their attitudes.…”