Research suggests that people’s explanations for their hurt feelings can influence how they feel and how they respond to others. Although the events and behaviors that elicit hurt have been examined, individuals’ beliefs about what made them feel hurt have not been explored. The current study extends existing research by investigating the causes that people associate with their hurt feelings. First, participants’ explanations for why a specific interaction hurt their feelings were examined; then, underlying dimensions characterizing people’s explanations for hurt were identified and associations with theoretically relevant outcomes were assessed. Results yielded eight factors characterizing the perceived causes of hurt feelings. Relational satisfaction and self-esteem were linked to the reasons people felt hurt. Individuals’ perceptions about the causes of their hurt feelings also were associated with the intensity of their feelings, their responses to being hurt, and their tendency to distance themselves from the person who hurt them.
Two studies investigated the coping strategies that individuals use when dealing with unfulfilled relationship standards in dating relationships. In Study 1, inductive analysis of openended data revealed 26 coping strategies (N = 217). In Study 2, these strategies were used to develop a scale that was administered to a new sample (N = 505) and to explore the coping resources individuals draw upon when dealing with unfulfilled standards. Results suggested a ten-factor solution of coping strategies: punishing, reframing, clarifying, self-disparaging, exiting, distancing, modeling, seeking social support, using humor, and escaping. Analyses indicated that each of these sets of coping strategies was significantly linked to relationship coping resources: personal, moral, and structural commitment, relationship satisfaction, and closeness.
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