The sadness of lives and the comfort of things: Goods as evocative objects in bereavement

Abstract

This paper seeks to understand the texture and emotional tenor of the relations that bereaved people can have with a range of objects, including those that seem mundane or simply part of the flotsam and jetsam of everyday life. Taking Joan Didion's best-selling book, The Year of Magical Thinking, as its focus, the paper examines the varied and significant roles that certain objects played as she negotiated the vagaries of her first year as a widow. While previous literature has mined the memorialising function of goods for survivors, our analysis suggests that goods and consumption experiences can also play a powerful role as tools to think with for those struggling to create a meaningful narrative of death and loss. It concludes by considering the contribution of the analysis to the understanding of goods as 'active life presences' (Turkle, 2007), the relationship between consumption and bereavement, and 'the sadness of lives and the comfort of things' (Miller, 2008).

Graves, gifts, and the bereaved consumer: a restorative perspective of gift exchange

“…In line with Belk and Coon's (1993) definition, a restorative gift is purchased for the sole purpose of voluntarily bringing it to a loved one's gravesite and relinquishing it at the gravesite, unlike self-gifts (Mick and DeMoss 1990) which are purchased and consumed by one individual. In contrast to previous work on material objects and death (e.g., Bradford 2009;Lastovicka and Fernandez 2006;Price, Arnould, and Curasi 2000;Turley and O'Donohoe 2012), gifts placed at a gravesite tend to be new objects rather than something the deceased owned or used.…”

“…Post-death consumption practices allow the living an alternative and healthy way to deal with grief by continuing to live with their loved ones (Vickio 1999) instead of letting go completely (O'Donohoe and Turley 2005). Memories of deceased loved ones are preserved and socially constructed through material objects, such as inherited jewelry and family photographs (Gentry et al 1995a;Hallam and Hockey 2001;Turley and O'Donohoe 2012). Riches and Dawson (1998) find bereaved parents use photographs and other material objects as 'social props' to preserve their children's social presence and guard their own parental identities.…”

“…Previous research on death and material goods primarily investigates the disposition of possessions at the end-of-life (Bradford 2009;Lastovicka and Fernandez 2006;Price, Arnould, and Curasi 2000), objects left behind by the deceased (Turley and O'Donohoe 2012), and items presented to the deceased at the time of their death (Bonsu and Belk 2003;Harper 2012). For instance, in Ghana, the living give "one last gift" to deceased loved ones at their funerals in an attempt to raise their social status within the community, while alleviating feelings of guilt and grief (Bonsu and Belk 2003).…”

“…Although the deceased never physically touched these material objects while they were living, grave gifts become imbued with identity and representative of their disembodied selves. Objects left behind after death are fundamentally connected to the memory of the person who owned them (Turley and O'Donohoe 2012). In contrast, restorative giving is experiential and intended to create new memories in the mind of the giver.…”

“…(Quoted from Habegger 2015) For Katie, giving these "little things" to her deceased son is a critical component of her grieving process and a symbolic representation of their ongoing relationship. Survivors feel a sense of responsibility to celebrate, honor, and memorialize their deceased loved ones through material goods (Bonsu and Belk 2003;Harper 2012;Thursby 2006;Turley and O'Donohoe 2012). As anecdotally demonstrated by Katie's experience, consumer spending on deceased loved ones does not end with the funeral as gift giving to the deceased continues long after loved ones pass away.…”