The morality of lying to my grandparent with dementia

Abstract

We used a morality of care perspective to examine how grandchildren cope with having to deceive or lie to their grandparent with dementia. Data from interviews with 13 young adults were analyzed using interpretative phenomenological analysis. We found that a moral orientation shift toward a person-centered morality of care occurs gradually. Grandchildren struggle with concepts of moral goodness, importance of close others, and questions about self as a moral agent. We uncovered three antecedents of this shift (severity of dementia symptoms, valuing of the grandparent’s welfare, and valuing of the relationship) and three outcomes (transformation of moral self, changed relationship with the grandparent, and changed family relationships). Implications of a morality of care in intergenerational dementia relationships are discussed.

Lying and Time: Moving beyond the Moral Question of Lying

“…Participants to the study were caring for people living with dementia, usually a romantic partner or family member. There is existing scholarship in dementia studies on lying and deception in care, which almost universally frames lying predomintantly as a moral issue (Elvish et al, 2010; Hasselkus, 1997; Hertogh et al, 2004; Miron et al, 2018; Schermer, 2007). Sensibly, scholars have often focused on the dilemma of how to protect the rights and dignity of people living with dementia from being deceived in ways that exploit their changing ability to contest and resist untruths (Elvish et al, 2010; Hasselkus, 1997; Hertogh et al, 2004; Moody, 1988).…”

“…Scholarship tends to view accounts made about the use of deception in dementia care as recently arising behaviour; that is, as having begun with the inception of a dementia diagnosis. Miron et al (2018), for example, heard from young people who began to deceive their grandparents (living with dementia) in order to protect their feelings, but who said they would not have found it necessary to deceive them prior to the development of dementia. Contrary to this, our data point to the significance of pre-existing practices of deception in carers' lives, and of how these are entwined with long-standing aspects of relational biography that in some cases are understood to have begun in the distant past.…”

“…Rather than presenting deception as a set of practices that develops alongside their mothers' dementia (as it is generally seen in the dementia care literature, e.g. in Miron et al, 2018), both Laura and Kate account for deception by referring to pre-existing practices of lying within their life stories, and by reusing the justifications that have previously helped explain these pre-existing practices (in their own and others' biographies). Their accounts are inflected by the different ways in which the specific narratives of their biographical past shape how current relationships are understood.…”

Perspective Taking and Empathic Emotions in Letters Written by Grandchildren to Their Grandparent With Dementia Versus Grandparent Without Dementia

“…Moreover, the grandparent–grandchild relationship has implications for the lives of both the grandparent and grandchild (Kemp, 2005; Monserud, 2010), who provide each other with emotional and practical support (Ashton, 1996; Harwood & Lin, 2000; Langer, 1990). Indeed, as dementia symptoms progress, grandchildren begin perceiving their grandparent as being more vulnerable and childlike, prompting them to take on additional roles as quasi-parents and informal caregivers (Miron, Ebert, & Hodel, 2018).…”

“…Previous studies have found that participants who have a grandparent with dementia experience increased sympathy for the grandparent and higher concern for their health and well-being (Boon & Shaw, 2007; Fruhauf & Orel, 2008). Moreover, increased tenderness and protective tendencies have been reported by grandchildren who perceive their grandparent with dementia as vulnerable (Miron et al, 2018).…”