Tensions among siblings in parent care

Abstract

From a place of ''genealogical equivalence'' as children of their parents, siblings spend a lifetime developing separate identities. As parents near the end of their lives, issues of sibling equivalence are renegotiated in the face of equal obligations to provide care and equal entitlement to parent assets. In this paper, we hypothesize how unresolved issues of rivalry for parent affection/attention among siblings may be reasserted when parents need care. Data are drawn from a project about how parent care and assets are shared. In-depth interviews with three sibling groups experiencing conflict over sharing parent care and assets along with six Canadian legal case portrayals of disputes among siblings over how parent care and assets were shared are examined. Findings are that disputes occur when siblings perceive others as dominating parent care and assets through tactics such as separating the parent from other siblings and preventing other siblings from being engaged in decisions about care and assets. Discussion is focused on paradoxes faced by siblings given expectations for equity in parent relationships alongside perceived pre-eminence in care and asset decisions.

Changing Sibling Relationships After Parents' Death: The Role of Solidarity and Kinkeeping

“…Many studies on sibling ties have emphasized negative aspects of the relationship, such as conflicts between siblings, parents who favor certain children over others, and children who compete for attention, recognition, and resources (Suitor, Sechrist, Plikuhn, Pardo, & Pillemer, 2008). Although conflicts are most prevalent when siblings are young and living at home (Brody, 1998), some authors have argued that sibling conflicts reemerge later in life, especially in times of family crisis (Lashewicz & Keating, 2009). The death of a parent may create new opportunities for bonding, but also for conflict.…”

Intra‐family stressors among adult siblings sharing caregiving for parents

“…). Lashewicz and Keating () found that issues of equivalence are renegotiated when adult siblings are tasked with the responsibility of sharing care for parents and assigning parent's assets because siblings become dissatisfied when they perceived that other siblings dominate decisions pertaining to parent care and assets. They want to share care responsibilities and have equal opportunity for influence in matters of parent care and assets.…”

Sibling Resentments and Alliances during the Parent Care Years: Implications for Social Work Practice

“…For example, siblings may agree on the facts of who makes what contributions yet their interpretations of the meaning of the contributions often differ (Matthews, 1995;Mathews, 2002;Leinonen, 2011). A small but growing body of evidence shows how differing views and approaches to parent care can lead to tensions that make caregiving more strenuous (Lashewicz & Keating, 2009: Lashewicz, Manning, Hall, & Keating, 2007Leinonen, 2011).…”

“…Siblings "maneuver" and "hash out" how parent care needs are met and these processes require that siblings reassert and renegotiate their identities in the face of shared responsibilities for care decisions and outcomes (Lashewicz & Keating, 2009;Silverstein et al, 2008). Harris (1998) notes that most of her sample of caregiving sons of a parent with Alzheimer's disease (27 of 30) report that their sibling relationships were affected by the experience of parent care.…”