Strategies for Mitigating Sexual Desire Discrepancy in Relationships

Abstract

Sexual desire discrepancy, when one member of a couple experiences more or less sexual desire relative to their partner, is among the main reasons for couples to seek therapy. A great deal of prior research has examined the complexity of sexual desire and the role of sexual desire discrepancy in long-term relationships, but little research has specifically examined strategies used to mitigate sexual desire discrepancy when it arises. Thus, the purpose of the present mixed methods study was to identify the strategies that individuals in long-term relationships use during times of desire discrepancy and to address whether the use of specific strategies influenced sexual and relationship satisfaction and sexual desire. We collected data from 229 participants and our thematic content analysis produced 17 strategies, divided into five main groups (disengagement, communication, engagement in activity alone, engagement in other activity with partner, and have sex anyway). Specific strategies were associated with sexual and relationship satisfaction but not with sexual desire. Specifically, partnered strategies were associated with higher levels of sexual and relationship satisfaction compared to individual strategies. Additionally, participants who reported that their strategies were very helpful had higher levels of sexual and relationship satisfaction compared to participants who found them somewhat helpful followed by not at all helpful. These results have implications for clinicians, educators, and researchers and highlight the importance of using effective strategies to deal with desire discrepancy and communicating about them in relationships. The use of effective strategies can have implications for overall couple well-being.

An online sensate focus application to treat sexual desire discrepancy in intimate relationships: contrasting case studies

“…We found that the users who showed greater improvements were more hopeful at the start of the treatment and saw the issue as a joint endeavor rather than just one person's problem to fix. This finding supports the results from Vowels and Mark (2020) who found that doing activities together to manage sexual desire discrepancy rather than doing something alone and perceiving the strategies as more helpful predicted sexual and relationship satisfaction. Furthermore, communication was mentioned by all users as one of the main problems in addressing their sexual difficulty.…”

“…An increasing body of literature shows that sexual desire difficulties tend to occur in a relationship context rather than on their own and sexual desire discrepancy predicts both relational (Mark, 2012;Mark & Murray, 2012;L. M. Vowels, 2021; L. M. Vowels & Mark, 2020) and individual (Lee et al, 2016) outcomes. For example, if Mary is not in a relationship with a partner and does not often experience sexual desire, she is unlikely to experience this as a problem.…”

“…A small number of studies have examined ways in which couples can mitigate instances of sexual desire discrepancy in their relationships (Herbenick et al, 2014; L. M. Vowels & Mark, 2020). Herbenick et al (2014) focused on a sample of women and found several strategies that the women used to manage sexual desire discrepancy in their relationship including having sex anyway, using toys, other physical closeness, or scheduling sex.…”

“…Herbenick et al (2014) focused on a sample of women and found several strategies that the women used to manage sexual desire discrepancy in their relationship including having sex anyway, using toys, other physical closeness, or scheduling sex. Furthermore, in a mixed methods study, Vowels and Mark (2020) found that using partnered strategies (i.e. communication, spending time together, and having sex anyway) were better predictors of sexual and relationship satisfaction than using solitary strategies (i.e.…”

Initial Evidence of Feasibility of Treating Sexual Desire Discrepancy Using an Online Application

“…Having both partners attend therapy can help create a more supportive environment within the relationship. Third, communication about sex has been associated with greater sexual and relationship outcomes (Holmberg & Blair, 2009;Mark & Jozkowski, 2013;Vowels & Mark, 2020) and addressing the dyad in therapy can help improve communication between the partners. Dyadic interventions can work either by helping increase one partner's desire and lower their distress about sex; decreasing another partner's desire and helping them find alternative ways of fulfilling their needs; or helping couples compromise better through improved communication.…”