"Storming then Performing": Historical Non-Monogamy and Metamour Collaboration

Abstract

We present the results of an investigation into the biographies, letters, and archives of approximately 50 well-known figures in Western intellectual and artistic history in the post-Enlightenment era.

Perceived Impacts of Partners’ Other Relationships on Oneself in Consensual Nonmonogamy

“…Our results demonstrate that individuals who practice CNM experience a complex set of both costs and benefits to themselves stemming from their partners’ other relationships, findings that confirm and extend existing research. Supporting the argument of Watson and Lubrano ( 2021 ), our findings indicate that, far from being a cost that is tolerated in exchange for having multiple partners oneself, partners’ other relationships can impact oneself in a number of positive and negative ways. On the positive side, we found evidence of CNM relationships supporting and enhancing each other (e.g., Bartell, 1970 ; de Visser & McDonald, 2007 ; Jenks, 1998 ; O’Byrne & Haines, 2021 ; Ramey, 1975 ; Rubel & Bogaert, 2015 ; Thouin-Savard, 2021 ; Watson, 1981 ; Wood et al, 2021a ), of enjoyable compersion as a result of partners’ other relationships (e.g., Deri, 2015 ; Ramey, 1975 ; Thouin-Savard, 2021 ; Wolfe, 2003 ), and of direct benefits that metamours can provide to each other (e.g., Bove, 2017 ; Ritchie & Barker, 2006 ; Sheff, 2014 ; Thouin-Savard, 2021 ; Watson & Lubrano, 2021 ).…”

“…Supporting the argument of Watson and Lubrano ( 2021 ), our findings indicate that, far from being a cost that is tolerated in exchange for having multiple partners oneself, partners’ other relationships can impact oneself in a number of positive and negative ways. On the positive side, we found evidence of CNM relationships supporting and enhancing each other (e.g., Bartell, 1970 ; de Visser & McDonald, 2007 ; Jenks, 1998 ; O’Byrne & Haines, 2021 ; Ramey, 1975 ; Rubel & Bogaert, 2015 ; Thouin-Savard, 2021 ; Watson, 1981 ; Wood et al, 2021a ), of enjoyable compersion as a result of partners’ other relationships (e.g., Deri, 2015 ; Ramey, 1975 ; Thouin-Savard, 2021 ; Wolfe, 2003 ), and of direct benefits that metamours can provide to each other (e.g., Bove, 2017 ; Ritchie & Barker, 2006 ; Sheff, 2014 ; Thouin-Savard, 2021 ; Watson & Lubrano, 2021 ). On the negative side, we found evidence of partners’ other relationships limiting or damaging one’s own (e.g., Cohen, 2015 ; Rubel & Bogaert, 2015 ; Rubinsky, 2018 ; Weitzman, 2006 ; Wolfe, 2003 ), of difficult feelings such as jealousy (e.g., de Visser & McDonald, 2007 ; McLean, 2004 ; Ramey, 1975 ; Rubinsky, 2018 ; Watson, 1981 ), and of ways in which relating to metamours can be difficult or painful (e.g., Deri, 2015 ; Rubinsky, 2018 ; Thouin-Savard, 2021 ).…”

“…It might be tempting to predict that all of the perceived benefits of CNM come from one’s own multiple relationships, and that one’s partner(s) also having multiple relationships is perceived as a cost that one tolerates in exchange. But the literature suggests that the reality is not so simple, and that there are likely both benefits and costs that result from partners’ other relationships (for a similar argument, see Watson & Lubrano, 2021 ).…”

“…Metamour connections can also become personal ones; Ritchie and Barker ( 2006 ) report participants describing their metamour connections fondly, and Bove ( 2017 ) and Thouin-Savard ( 2021 ) document metamour friendships and family-like relationships. Sheff ( 2014 ) documents ways in which polyamorous families collaborate in household tasks and child-rearing, often including bonds of affection and mutual assistance between metamours, and Watson and Lubrano ( 2021 ) document historical accounts of collaboration and assistance among metamours.…”

“…There are also findings suggesting some of the perceived costs or difficulties to oneself that can arise from a partner’s other relationships. Some studies describe small numbers of participants who reported that being in an open relationship made them feel “further away” from a partner (Cohen, 2015 ); that CNM had resulted in more fighting, greater instability, or a diminished bond with a partner (Wolfe, 2003 ); that practicing CNM had threatened a relationship or led to separation (Rubel & Bogaert, 2015 ); or that conflict could arise particularly at the start of nonmonogamous relationships (Watson & Lubrano, 2021 ). Wood et al ( 2021b ) found that when an individual reported higher sexual need fulfillment with a second partner, that individual’s first partner reported lower sexual and relationship satisfaction on average, suggesting that a partner’s sexual activities with others could detract from one’s own relationship with that partner.…”