Perceived Impacts of Partners’ Other Relationships on Oneself in Consensual Nonmonogamy

Abstract

Existing research suggests a number of both costs and benefits to oneself that can occur as a result of partners’ other relationships in consensual nonmonogamy (CNM), but such costs and benefits have not previously been systematically cataloged. Using reflexive thematic analysis, we present themes derived from semi-structured interviews with 51 individuals (63% white, 55% nonbinary/genderqueer/non-cisgendered, and 77% LGBQ) who have practiced CNM, describing the costs and benefits to themselves that they perceive as a result of their partners’ other relationships. Themes describing costs include experiencing difficult feelings (e.g., jealousy), having less with a partner (e.g., less of a partner’s time) than one would like, difficulties or conflict within one’s own relationship, and difficulties or conflict as a result of interactions between metamours (individuals who share a partner). Themes describing benefits include experiencing positive feelings (e.g., compersion), benefiting from a partner getting needs met in other relationships, strengthening of or pleasurable interactions within one’s own relationship, enjoyable or beneficial relationships or interactions between metamours, and personal growth as a result of sharing partners with others. We note that these costs and benefits roughly mirror each other, suggesting that they may reflect the positive and negative sides of some fundamental aspects of CNM. Each of our themes also contains a rich range of elements that suggest avenues for future research. Our results suggest that CNM relationships are complex and multi-faceted, and that further research could fruitfully examine the circumstances that influence whether individuals experience their partners’ other relationships positively or negatively.