Secretive and close? How sharing secrets may impact perceptions of distance

Abstract

Having secrets is incredibly common. However, secrecy has only recently started to receive more attention in research. What has largely been neglected so far are the consequences of secret-sharing for the relationship between sharer and receiver. In this project, we aim to fill this gap. Previous research has shown that closeness can make secret-sharing more likely. Building on research from the self-disclosure and relationship literature, we experimentally investigate whether secret-sharing might in turn increase perceptions of closeness. In addition, we test the valence of the secrets shared as potential driver of the hypothesized effect, as negative secrets might signal a high level of trust, but might also present a burden to the receiver. To provide a holistic picture, we build on a variety of methods to investigate three perspectives: Study 1 focuses on the receiver and tests whether another person sharing secrets (vs. nonconfidential information) decreases distance in the eyes of the receiver. Study 2 investigates lay theories and tests how an observer perceives the relationship between two people who share secrets (vs. nonconfidential information). Study 3 tests whether these lay theories about sharing secrets are predictive of behavior, and how a sharer might choose secrets of negative or positive valence to decrease perceived distance on the receiver's side. Our results will contribute to the understanding of how sharing secrets affects the way individuals think about each other, how close they feel to each other, and how they interact with each other. This is a Registered Report and may have an associated publication; please check the article page on the journal site for any related articles.

The influence of avoidant attachment and perceived support on disclosure about involvement in donor-assisted conception to family and friends

“…to close family and friends). This finding is in line with attachment principles as elevated attachment-related insecurities, particularly the Avoidance dimension, can result in a reluctance in self-disclosure, potentially owing to perceived negative views by others ( Slepian and Kirby, 2018 ; Jaffe and Douneva, 2020 ). This can include perceptions of defectiveness, shame, and rejection placing that individual at risk of emotional distance on matters of importance, particularly during stressful situations ( Mikulincer et al , 2003 ; Wei et al , 2005 ; Shaver and Mikulincer, 2007 ; Mikulincer and Shaver, 2016 ).…”

“…Inherently, maintaining and sharing secrets can influence how close someone feels towards another ( Jaffe and Douneva, 2020 ) with topic avoidance, that is non-disclosure about important information, potentially impinging upon psychological wellbeing and relationship satisfaction ( Caughlin and Afifi, 2004 ; Afifi and Caughlin, 2006 ). Both partner and social support are known to improve psychological adaptation and transition to parenthood.…”

“…Moreover, topic avoidance in family situations can arise where there may be deviations from social norms (e.g. traditional family formation) and where risks of reactions/familial rejection have the potential to raise greater distress and thus reduce communication ( Slade et al , 2007 ; Slepian and Kirby, 2018 ; Jaffe and Douneva, 2020 ). Future in depth qualitative studies that explore understanding of these disclosure differences based on attachment principles would be helpful in informing implications counselling and psychotherapeutic practice relevant to participants of DAC.…”

What you don't know might hurt me: Keeping secrets in interpersonal relationships

“…This limitation reflects a recurring challenge in the study of secrets given that the very nature of a secret requires the target to be unaware of its existence (for an exception, see Caughlin et al, 2009, for a discussion of putative secrets). However, research has attempted to address this gap by having participants rate how their relationship with someone might change after being told a particular secret (Jaffé & Douneva, 2020). Another approach could be to recruit dyads and ask one partner about an ongoing secret and the other partner about the relationship more generally, or to conduct a longitudinal study that would allow for secrets to arise and be revealed over time.…”

Exploring non-disclosure practices among male university job seekers through communication privacy management theory

“…Alternatively, non-disclosure can be defined as the inclination of an individual to withhold personal information, encompassing thoughts, feelings, behaviors, and experiences, from others (Demir et al, 2020). Secrets, a ubiquitous aspect of human existence, entail the desire to keep personal information from being discovered by others (Jaffé and Douneva, 2020). Drawing parallels between the definitions of secrecy and non-disclosure, both involve the suppression of personal information, including problems, emotions, and experiences.…”