Romantic Conflict Narratives in Emerging Adult Couples: Viewpoint and Gender Matter

Abstract

Healthy romantic relationships entail understanding the needs of the self and other when interpreting conflict events. Yet how couples make meaning around specific conflicts and their capacity to reflect on their own and their partners’ unmet needs is understudied. Using narratives, we examined destructive (e.g., extreme anger and break‐up anxiety) and constructive (e.g., perspective taking) interpretations of past romantic conflicts in 80 emerging adult heterosexual couples and the extent to which such interpretations varied by viewpoint and gender. Couple members were interviewed separately about two conflict episodes in which their partner did not meet their needs (victim viewpoint) and two episodes in which they did not meet their partners’ needs (perpetrator viewpoint). As anticipated, destructive interpretations were more evident in the victim viewpoint and for female couple members. In contrast, within constructive interpretations, the use of insight was greater in the perpetrator than the victim viewpoint. Although perspective taking was expected to be more common in the perpetrator viewpoint and in female narratives, this was not the case, as this type of constructive interpretation was infrequent in narratives about conflict. The findings revealed aspects of meaning making that might be useful to mental health professionals concerned with building skills to improve romantic competence in emerging adult couples.

The role of mindfulness between adult attachment and anxiety: A dyadic approach.

“…For instance, in a study of older adult married couples, it was found heterosexual males were less likely to express underlying emotional needs, compared to their heterosexual female counterparts (Ermer & Proulx, 2020). Furthermore, because heterosexual females tend to be more focused on their romantic relationship goals, compared to heterosexual males, they often attempt to anticipate and address their male partner's needs (Feiring et al, 2020). Although speculative, it is possible that heterosexual couples develop a pattern by which when a male partner's need for reassurance of love heightens to the point where it becomes excessive, his female partner tends to become preoccupied with thoughts of how past or future responses might affect the relationship.…”

What are the Marital Problems of Happy Couples? A Multimethod, Two‐Sample Investigation

“…Given that these three topics tend to be seen as more difficult to resolve (Sanford, 2003;Williamson et al, 2013), it is possible that couples with these problems will report less marital satisfaction than the couples included here. Furthermore, jealousy, religious differences, and problems with relatives tend to occur earlier in romantic relationships, and if they cannot be resolved, may lead to dissolution of the relationship (Feiring et al, 2018;Kurdek, 1994;Reese-Weber et al, 2015). Although both the MCDS and the MARS couples represent a select group of couples in light of their high levels of marital happiness, it is notable that we did find group differences based on developmental stage.…”

“…Given that these three topics tend to be seen as more difficult to resolve (Sanford, ; Williamson et al., ), it is possible that couples with these problems will report less marital satisfaction than the couples included here. Furthermore, jealousy, religious differences, and problems with relatives tend to occur earlier in romantic relationships, and if they cannot be resolved, may lead to dissolution of the relationship (Feiring et al., ; Kurdek, ; Reese‐Weber et al., ).…”

“…First, the problems that couples face likely change as they develop both as individuals and as a couple (Reese-Weber, Kahn, & Nemecek, 2015). For example, whereas issues of trust and jealousy often plague younger, less established couples (Feiring, Markus, & Simon, 2018;Kurdek, 1994), older couples must deal with marital problems related to each other's health (Cano, Johansen, Leonard, & Hanawalt, 2005). Second, understanding the problems facing couples whose marriages have endured for decades may yield important, and heretofore, mostly overlooked, insights into what issues may be easier to live with in a marriage than others.…”

Romantic conflict narratives and associations with psychological relationship aggression in emerging adult couples

“…Conflicts about unmet needs are a normative proximal risk factor for relationship aggression (e.g., Goncy & van Dulmen, 2016; Johnson et al, 2015; Lantagne & Furman, 2020). Narratives in which the self is the target of a perceived transgression from the partner are more likely to motivate a sense of injury and self-justified anger (Feiring et al, 2020; Kearns & Fincham, 2005). In contrast, narratives in which the self has caused harm to the partner are more likely to feature mitigating circumstances and self-justifications.…”