Restoration Therapy

Reshaping Couple Configurations that Get in the Way of Relationship Repair and Healing

“…They may be persuaded to do so as a bid for health and healing through appropriate (but not punitive) accountability and forbearance. Though wounded, Jade can be invited to consider the following advantages of surrendering inflated VSIRO: First, from a balanced VSIRO, appropriate forbearance and forgiving that includes accountability (Butler, Dahlin, & Fife, ) can help Jade's own healing, transforming destructive anger to benevolent indignation (Butler et al, ; Meloy‐Miller et al, ) and renewing peace and tranquility, as well as allow for the possibility of relationship healing and reconciliation (Baskin & Enright, ; Butler et al, ; Hargrave & Pfitzer, ; McCullough & Worthington, ; Wade et al, ). Second, from a balanced VSIRO relationship position, Jade and Lee can collaborate ethically for Lee's behavior change.…”

“…Simultaneously, they care about their offending partner's experience, needs, and well-being. Their balanced VSIRO orients them toward opportune forbearance when it is well-fit to partner contrition and change (Baskin & Enright, 2004;Butler et al, 2002;Hargrave & Pfitzer, 2011;McCullough & Worthington, 1994;Wade et al, 2018). Reconciliation is distinct from forgiving and remains a choice, that when offered by a balanced VSIRO partner is conditioned upon repentance and accountability, safety and trust.…”

“…If Mandy or Nikolai persistently discount positive affirmations, this may signal that shame is more entrenched (possibly dispositional; Harper & Hoopes, 1990), and for reshaping to occur, more time may need to be spent exploring specific experiences and mapping pain cycles and acknowledging (i.e., crediting) past efforts that have been made (Hargrave & Pfitzer, 2011). Affirming couple work helps reshape Mandy's and Nikolai's VSIROs toward a balanced position, invigorate their morale and motivation, and thereby set the stage for successful change work.…”

“…Exploring a partner's intergenerational backstory may uncover possible sources of deeply embedded VSIRO imbalance (such as destructive entitlement manifesting as inflated VSIRO; Boszormenyi-Nagy & Krasner, 1986). Intergenerational work may more clearly identify the pain (Hargrave & Pfitzer, 2011) or vulnerability (Scheinkman & Fishbane, 2004) cycles underlying dispositional VSIRO imbalance. Thus, here-and-now couple work may need to be supplemented with individual family-of-origin work that explores and resolves intergenerational sources of deeply embedded VSIRO imbalance.…”

The Pastors Empowerment Program: A resilience education intervention to prevent clergy burnout.

“…Given marital and familial challenges that clergy may face, strengthening couple relationships are a major component of the PEP. In consideration of this specific aim, strategies from Restoration Therapy (Hargrave & Pfitzer, 2011) were incorporated throughout the phases of the PEP to help couples explore their capacity for understanding, conflict management, and reflection on God’s view of them as individuals and their marriage. The aim of the Restoration Therapy model is to help partners recognize that the spousal interaction during conflicts or misunderstandings often elicits the same types of primary attachment feelings that existed with their parents or early caregivers and that each partner’s reactions to painful interactions are predictable and cyclical (Hargrave & Pfitzer, 2011).…”