Pastoral Care for Shame-Based Perfectionism

Abstract

While perfectionism has been associated with guilt dynamics, the form of perfectionism that is most frequently discussed by psychologists is connected to selfcondemnation for perceived failures to reach the high standard set for personal achievement. There is therefore a strong link between perfectionism and inferiority shame. Psychotherapists have given quite a bit of attention to shame-based perfectionism; it has been largely neglected by pastoral psychologists. Three approaches to the pastoral care of shame-based perfectionism are developed. The first approach is based in cognitive therapy. It is argued that perfectionism is grounded in a faulty core belief about the self-namely, "I am what I achieve." The second method makes use of strategies developed by John Bradshaw for accepting and affirming all one's sub-selves. Bradshaw's approach is critiqued, however, for the way in which shame-based and guilt-based perfectionism are confused. The third method is a modification and adaptation of Heinz Kohut's strategy of "mirroring" (empathy, admiration, and approval) that he developed for use in work with clients with narcissistic personality disorder.

An Analysis of Emotional Intelligence Training and Pastoral Job Satisfaction

“…You may be a brilliant theologian, excellent at biblical exegesis, an outstanding preacher, a great pastoral care provider…but if you are not emotionally intelligent, your ministry as a parish pastor will be difficult. (p. 136) Pastors often base their self-worth and satisfaction of their job performance and the results they bring to bear with their congregational members (Pembroke, 2012). However, many pastors may not have the training or skills to support the pressing emotional needs of the people in their charge (Dunlop, 1988).…”

“…While pastors have defense mechanisms at work just as all people do, it remains to be seen how much they are self-aware of these powerful forces and the extent to which their decision-making is influenced (Vaillant, 1995). Many are uncomfortable or skeptical of ideas such as the Jungian shadow self (McIntosh et al, 2007), or of the need to understand the psychological destruction that toxic shame can bring to an individual (Johnson, 1945;Pembroke, 2012). Without the training to understand the importance of individual psychology and the factors that motivate people, a pastor's job satisfaction may become strained by these emotional factors.…”

“…Pastors often base their self-worth and satisfaction of their job performance on the results they bring to bear with their congregational members (Pembroke, 2012). However, many pastors may not have the training or skills to support the pressing emotional needs of the people in their charge (Dunlop, 1988).…”

“…However, many pastors may not have the training or skills to support the pressing emotional needs of the people in their charge (Dunlop, 1988). The unfortunate result of this performance gap can be a sense of failure and shame (Pembroke, 2012). In contrast, pastors who learn the skills needed to increase their interpersonal effectiveness will attain a heightened sense of professional fulfillment.…”

Angry listening and a listening God

“…In the light of this situation we reflect in this article on the potential value of anger and liturgy, and anger in liturgy. Several publications have dealt with anger and liturgy (Blumenthal 2002;Campbell 1986;Lester 2003;Pembroke 2010;Wepener 2015a;Wepener 2015b), as well as liturgy and lament (Arbuckle 2001;Burger 1995;Katongole 2017;Mahokoto 2019) and anger and preaching (Wepener & Pieterse 2018;Wessels 2020). However, in very few of these publications has the emphasis fallen on listening to anger.…”