Parental Naming Practices in Same‐Sex Adoptive Families

Abstract

Objective To explore the ways in which same‐sex adoptive parents navigate the process of determining what terms their children will use to address them (i.e., parent names). Background Parent names are markers of familial relationships and identity. Different‐sex parents are linguistically privileged in that their parent names are widely recognizable, easily distinguishable between each parent, and usually assigned by default as opposed to chosen, whereas parents in same‐sex couples must go through a deliberate process of choosing parent names. Little is known about the naming process for same‐sex parents. Method This qualitative analysis was designed to explore 40 same‐sex adoptive parent couples' approaches to parent naming (20 gay couples, 20 lesbian couples). Results Most couples collaboratively selected parallel names (e.g., “Daddy” and “Papa”). Participants drew on traditional mother and father derivatives, as well as their cultural backgrounds and naming trends within queer family communities. Families who adopted older children navigated unique issues. Conclusion This study adds to the literatures on same‐sex parenting, adoptive parenting, and naming. Families highlighted the perceived importance of parallel names and collaborative naming processes; the consideration of cultural backgrounds and other same‐sex parent families in naming; and naming challenges related to child age, the gender binary, and stigma. Implications Results shed light on various sources and considerations that may shape parent naming, which can inform the work of therapists and other providers who work with same‐sex parent families, particularly during the transition to parenthood.

Beyond Mum and Dad: Gendered Assumptions about Parenting and the Experiences of Trans and/or Non-Binary Parents in the UK

“…Findings also highlight the unique experiences of TNB adoptive parents, in that they had less flexibility over name choice and how their child saw them. Adoptive parents had to consider their child’s understanding of gender and parenting, and the parents already present in their child’s birth family, which echoes previous research in the US with cis same-sex adoptive parents (Frank et al, 2019 ). It has previously been suggested that parental name decision making is easier amongst parents who come out before becoming a parent, than those who come out after becoming a parent (Petit et al, 2017 ), but the findings of the present study highlight that this process may be more challenging in TNB adoptive parent families, regardless of when the parent came out.…”

“…This experience points to the way in which participants negotiated and worked with their children’s understandings of gender and parenting (see also Zadeh et al, 2021 ), which may be more established among older children (Frank et al, 2019 ). Birth parents also spoke about considering their child’s needs; Yanniq (a neither gender person) noted that they would “much rather refer to myself as father, at least privately”, but worried that this may be confusing for their child:…”

“I’m Not Just the Nonbiological Parent”: Encountering, Strategizing, and Resisting Asymmetry and Invalidation in Genetic/ Gestational Parent Status Among LGBTQ Parents

“…Parallel naming practices can powerfully signify parent–child relationships (Frank et al, 2019) and were endorsed by three quarters of parents. Yet such practices are also highly gendered, which may not be desirable for all LGBTQ parents: Indeed, as we documented, TNB parents were less likely to endorse parallel naming.…”

“…Almost three quarters of parents said that the child had the same last name as the nonbiological parent, either via a shared family name or by taking the nonbiological parent’s surname. Naming is a powerful way of communicating parent–child relationships, thereby establishing the legitimacy of the nonbiological parent (Bergen et al, 2006; Frank et al, 2019). Correcting outsiders (e.g., regarding assumptions about the biological parent being primary and/or treating that parent with greater respect) was endorsed by half of participants.…”

“…Parents may give the child the nonbiological mother’s surname or a shared surname (e.g., if one parent changed their name in marriage, or a hyphenated name; Charton & Lemieux, 2020; Hayman & Wilkes, 2017). Referents and address terms (what a child calls each parent) may also communicate and construct a socially intelligible parental identity for the nonbiological mother (Bergen et al, 2006; Frank et al, 2019). Research indicates that two thirds to three quarters of lesbian couples employ parallel or symmetrical names (e.g., Mommy/Mama), which help to establish the nonbiological mother’s parental identity for herself, her child, and society (Bergen et al, 2006; Gross & Richardot, 2019).…”