Parent–Child Estrangement: Conditions for Disclosure and Perceived Social Network Member Reactions

Abstract

Disclosing a family disruption like estrangement might be an important first step in garnering supportive communication, yet disclosure also might come with costs. Grounded in the disclosure literatures, this study illuminates the conditions under which adult children disclose estrangement from parents to their social networks and the perceived reactions of social network members to such disclosures. Findings from a thematic analysis of 52 narrative interviews reveal that adult children go to great lengths to keep their estrangement private, but disclose (a) when others witnessed conflict, (b) when asked, (c) when disclosure was indirect, and (d) when (they perceived) it would benefit others. Reactions to disclosure were rarely ambivalent, and adult children primarily felt unsupported by their network. Practical applications are discussed.

The Counseling Experiences of Individuals Who Are Estranged From a Family Member

“…Mothers in particular have been found to feel anxious and guarded in social situations, changing the topic of conversation if the subject of children or grandchildren is raised (Agllias, 2013). Adult children estranged from a parent have likewise been found to avoid disclosing their estrangement from their parents to those in their social network out of fear that they will be misunderstood or judged (Scharp, 2016), and when they have disclosed their estrangement, they have felt unsupported (Agllias, 2017;Scharp, 2016).…”

“…Thus far, relatively little attention has been paid to how individuals cope with estrangement in term of seeking support. Given that those experiencing estrangement perceive or experience stigma and discuss their estrangement rarely and with few people (Scharp, 2016), counseling might be a particularly valuable or helpful endeavor.…”

Parents and Children Who Are Estranged in Adulthood: A Review and Discussion of the Literature

“…Similarly, Allen and Moore () appealed to university students and those in “personal and professional networks” who “identified as estranged and willing to share the story of [their] estrangement” (p. 284). Using a similar approach but without using the word estrangement (and eliciting the stigma that can be associated with that word), Scharp () recruited adult children from a Listserv announcement made to all employees at an American university “who had a negative relationship with at least one parent, and who distanced themselves from their parents because of that negative relationship” (p. 36). Scharp noted that although the word estrangement was not used to appeal to participants, most of the participants she interviewed identified with it.…”

“…Alongside this research, a literature has emerged in the past 10 years that has focused specifically on parents and adult children who are “estranged” (Agllias, , , , , , ; Agllias & Gray, ; Allen & Moore, ; Carr, Holman, Abetz, Kellas, & Vagnoni, ; Conti, ; Conti & Ryan ; Dattilio & Nichols, ; Gilligan, Suitor, & Pillemer, ; Jerrome, ; Kim, ; Scharp, , ; Scharp & Dorrance Hall, ; Scharp & McLaren, ; Scharp & Thomas, ; Scharp, Thomas, & Paxman, ). This literature confirms that contrary to dominant expectations and assumptions about the involuntary, ever‐lasting nature of family relationships, some parents and children have a distant and/or inactive relationship.…”

The difficulty in evidencing family estrangement to attain statutory finance in UK Higher Education

“…Stigma is common in relation to family estrangement, with many experiencing feelings of shame and embarrassment, as well as feelings of abnormality (Agllias, 2013;Scharp, Thomas, & Paxman, 2015). More specifically, adult children who are estranged from their parents or family feel compelled to keep this information private, and when they have disclosed their situation to social networks, they feel unsupported (Agllias, 2017;Scharp, 2016).…”