Parent-Child Communication in Bereaved Israeli Families

Abstract

The nature of surviving parent-child communication in bereaved Israeli families is examined in terms of the culture of Israeli society. Concern is with the way the culture frames the parent-child relationship in the period shortly after the death. Twenty-three surviving parents and their forty-three children between ages of six and sixteen were interviewed four months after the death. Both parents and children seemed concerned with protecting each other from the pain and sadness associated with the loss. Two types of families were identified. In the open family, language is used to console and inform. Parents see themselves as able to respond to their child(ren)'s needs. Less open families used language to influence the child to avoid their feelings and confronting the death. These surviving parents often saw the deceased as the competent family caregiver.

Parental Death, Shifting Family Dynamics, and Female Identity Development

“…Silverman and Weiner's (1995) research supports this. They found in Israeli families where a parent had died that some surviving parents and children ceased communicating as a way to protect themselves from the sadness of the death.…”

The Role of Communication and Story Telling in the Family Grieving System

“…Sometimes widows in S. M. Silverman and Silverman's research reported concern about lack of communication and sleeplessness among their children without realizing that their children's quietness is a reflection of their own need to limit discussion of the loss. P. R. Silverman, Weiner, and El Ad (1995) observed that difficulty in communicating between spouses, especially as death becomes imminent, not only harms the couple involved but is also difficult for their children. Beach (1995) reported data suggesting that family communication stiffens and becomes limited because people are attempting to shield each other from facing the subject of death.…”

“…P. R. Silverman et al (1995) reported that when parents try to "protect" their children from death, they usually only succeed in stopping the discussion that would have helped the child deal with it and they cut themselves off from their children (p. 281). P. R. Silverman and Nickman (1996) placed a great deal of emphasis on the parent as a facilitator for children in understanding their connection to the deceased.…”

“…Some adult family members believe that they must shield the children from the sadness and pain that accompanies loss (P. R. Silverman et al, 1995). Parents "often wish to 'spare' the children and themselves the emotional burden of retelling the story" (DeMaso, Meyer, & Beasley, 1997, p. 1299.…”

“…Parents "often wish to 'spare' the children and themselves the emotional burden of retelling the story" (DeMaso, Meyer, & Beasley, 1997, p. 1299. They wonder how the children will respond and whether they as parents will be able to support their children emotionally (DeMaso et al, 1997;P. R. Silverman et al, 1995).…”