On-Again/Off-Again Dating Relationships: What Keeps Partners Coming Back?

Abstract

Building on research comparing on-again/off-again (on-off) relationships to other dating relationships, the current study focused on a unique feature of these relationships-renewals. A sample of 274 participants who had experienced an on-off relationship completed a survey about why they renewed their relationships, characteristics of their breakups and renewals, and what stressors and benefits they experienced. These characteristics were used to predict the occurrence of renewals, separately as well as in multivariate analyses. In addition to lingering feelings being a predominant reason for renewals, findings suggested uncertainty about what the preceding breakup indicated, not having dated others after breakups, and feeling the on-off nature improved the relationship were all related to an increased chance of renewals. Mutual initiations of breakups, as well as reporting uncertainty about the general nature of the relationship, were also related to a decreased chance of renewals.

The Impact of Premarital Cycling on Early Marriage

“…Although one third of cyclical dating partners believe cycling improved their relationship or gave them a new appreciation for their relationship/partner (Dailey et al, 2011), on average, cyclical partners who transition to marriage are in greater distress than non-cyclical partners and are aware of this difference. In accordance with the enduring dynamics model (Huston et al, 2001), nearly one-third of cyclical partners considered calling off their engagement and reported less confidence in their decision to wed than non-cyclical couples.…”

“…Findings from dating couples suggest cyclical couples may be especial prone to struggle with being on the same page during decisions to end and renew their relationships (e.g. Dailey et al, 2011). The lack of a shared reality may mean partners are not receiving confirmation of their beliefs about the long-term viability of the relationship (Wilson & Huston, 2013).…”

“…Although these couples are likely aware of the difficulties present in their relationships, as proposed by the enduring dynamics model (Huston et al, 2001), partners with a history of cycling may be more likely to endure in distressed relationships than non-cyclical partners due to constraints that make the relationship hard to permanently end (see Stanley et al, 2006). In young adult dating relationships, for example, feeling lonely and not having alternative partners to date during the breakup (Dailey, et al, 2011) constitute perceived constraints preventing a permanent end to the relationship . In cohabiting relationships, material constraints such as cyclical partners' greater likelihood of reporting financial stressors, the presence of children (Vennum et al, in press), and higher intimate selfdisclosure (Halpern-Meekin et al, 2012) may contribute to partners renewing a less than optimal relationship .…”

“…Young adult dating partners who renewed their relationships report, on average, lower relationship satisfaction, more destructive conflict, and less love and understanding from their partner than non-cyclical partners (Dailey, Pfiester, et al, 2009). Interestingly, about one-third of cyclical dating partners report that the breakup and renewal improved the relationship or increased their appreciation of their relationship or partner (Dailey, Jin, Pfiester, & Beck, 2011). Accordingly, it could be that those cyclical partners who make the transition to marriage (about one-third of those who are cyclical during courtship; Vennum et al, 2013) are those who perceive their relationship has improved and is doing well.…”

A Dimensional Approach to Characterizing On-Again/Off-Again Romantic Relationships

“…Yet, partners in on-off relationships have varying views of alternatives depending on their perceived stability (Dailey, Middleton, & Green, 2012). Thus, certain on-off dimensions may have positive associations with the quality of alternatives (e.g., gradual separation), whereas others may have negative associations (e.g., capitalized-on-transitions).Feeling the relationship is unique or that the partner is "the one" is related to lingering feelings, which was the most predominant factor on-off partners reported as to why they renewed their relationship (Dailey et al, 2011).Believing that a partner is "the one" is also similar to feelings of love which is associated with relational stability (see for reviews, Cate, Levin, & Richmond, 2002;Le et al, 2010) as well as difficulty in dealing with relationship dissolution (Sbarra & Emery, 2005). Further, of the characteristics assessed, Dailey et al (2013) found the most Dailey, Jin, Brody et al 199 differences among the types for lingering feelings-the capitalized-on-transitions and mismatched groups reported more lingering feelings than the gradual separation and controlling groups.…”