Not alone: Family experiences across the life course of single, baby boom sexual‐minority women

Abstract

Objective As older LGBTQ+ people are less likely to be married than non‐LGBTQ+ peers and historically may have been disconnected from their families of origin, the aim of this study was to understand the family life of single sexual minority women of the baby boom cohort throughout their lives. Background Singlehood, in general, has meant not being in a heterosexual—or legally recognized—relationship; thus women in same‐sex relationships historically were considered single. As women gained more rights, single and lesbian, bisexual, and queer women have gained opportunities to live outside heterosexual marriage, financially and with regard to social acceptability. Women of the baby boom cohort, born between 1946 and 1964, came of age during this societal shift. Method Framed by feminist and life course perspectives, this study was qualitative, used semistructured interviews, and was guided by a constructivist paradigm and thematic analysis to understand how 13 older sexual minority women perceived family. Findings The women noted their connection to family of origin, then romantic relationships and partners, and currently, identify family as including biological, adopted, and chosen kin. Conclusion Single LBQ women of the baby boom cohort have relational resources through friends as family, biological kin, legal kin, and creating community. Implications More expansive understandings of family, including chosen family and invisible kin, comprise the support networks of older women who have lived outside heteronormativity.

Queering singlehood: Examining the intersection of sexuality and relationship status from a queer lens

“…Queer theory can be a useful tool in considering alternative ways of relating and challenging the equation of a successful or fulfilling life of having to fit in the heteronormative, capitalistic society (Eng et al, 2005;Taylor, 2019). When queering singlehood, scholars, practitioners, and society can see and value the relationships people have that include family of choice, deep friendships, networks of relationships, and even ex-partners/spouses and other ex-legal kin (e.g., siblings-in-law; Budgeon, 2008;Lavender-Stott & Allen, 2023). For many, being queer (noun or adjective) can be a way to stand outside conventional ways of understanding relationships and family, finding their own strengths in the relationships they have and build, and seeing the successes in life.…”

“…This lived experience crosses both LGBTQIA+ (Catalpa & Routon, 2018;Levin et al, 2020) and single adults' lives (DePaulo, 2018). While some people have a family of choice due to rejection or estrangement from bio-legal kin (e.g., family built on biology, adoption, and/or marriage; kin recognized by the state; Butler, 2004Butler, , 2022 particularly among LGBTQIA+ individuals (Dewaele et al, 2011;Hailey et al, 2020), most have integrated families that include both bio-legal and voluntary kin (Braithwaite et al, 2010;Lavender-Stott & Allen, 2023;Soler et al, 2018;Weston, 1991).…”

“…During the mid‐20th century, the mixed history of singlehood and LGBTQIA+ influenced general society through the business model of gay bars being adopted for singles bars and places to interact with other potential partners (e.g., TGI Friday's; Weigel, 2016). In the 21st century, single adults of all sexualities within Western nations of the United States, United Kingdom, and Canada, resisted deficit or stigmatized identities and constructed their lives as secure and enjoyed independence (Budgeon, 2008; Lavender‐Stott, 2018; Moore & Radtke, 2015; Sharp & Ganong, 2007). The following sections explore connections between singlehood and queer perspectives (as the noun, adjective, and verb) roughly in chronological order.…”

Happy Singlehood: The rising acceptance and celebration of solo living. Elyakim Kislev. 2019. Oakland, CA: University of California Press. $24.95. Paperback. 280 pp. ISBN: 9780520299146, 0520299140

“…This chapter, in addition to chapter one, offers context to recent and contemporary socio‐economic and cultural landscape and maps on to multiple life‐course concepts (Elder, 1981). The book, in essence, broadly deals with a multitude of “forgotten streams,” much like the invisible and variant pathways of life‐long single women's lives (see Allen, 1994; Allen & Pickett, 1987; Lavender‐Stott & Allen, 2022), but the book did not draw on this work.…”

“…From the perspective of a family science scholar, this is an unfortunate omission. The book would have benefitted from drawing on several family scholars' theorizing and thinking, including but not limited to: Dorothy Smith's (1993) classic article, “Standard North American Family,” “forgotten streams” of life‐long single women (Allen & Pickett, 1987), life course application of life‐long single sexual minority women (Lavender‐Stott & Allen, 2022), “Family Privilege” (Letiecq, 2019), “Doing Family” (Hertz, 2006), Intersectionality within Family Science (Few‐Demo, 2014), the pervasiveness of heteronormativity in family science (van Eeden‐Moorefield, 2018) and my work integrating SNAF and single women (Sharp & Ganong, 2011). Having explicitly drawn on this literature would have allowed for the book to set the context more fully for the continued stigma of singlehood despite the impressive and steady growing numbers of singles across the world.…”