Motivations for Engaging in Consensually Non-Monogamous Relationships

Abstract

Sexual, romantic, and intimate relationships provide opportunities for individual and interpersonal fulfillment and the enhancement of well-being. Though research has identified that consensual non-monogamy (CNM) offers unique relational benefits, little work has examined why individuals pursue CNM relationships. Both self-determination theory and self-expansion theory provide frameworks for understanding the range of intra-and interpersonal motives for choosing or negotiating a multipartnered relationship. We explored the reasons for which people engage in CNM and discuss how motivations for CNM might be linked to well-being and need fulfillment. Our study used a qualitative approach to examine the motivations individuals report for engaging in CNM relationships. As part of a larger online survey, participants completed open-ended questions examining motivations for, and experiences of, CNM relationships. Data from participants who indicated that they were currently in a CNM partnership was selected for the analyses (n = 540). Data were analyzed using thematic analysis, within a critical realist framework. Motivations were organized into six interconnected themes: reasons related to autonomy, beliefs and value systems, relationality, sexuality, growth and expansion, and pragmatism. Individuals reported diverse reasons for engaging in CNM relationships; reasons addressed both individual and relational needs and well-being. Findings contrast with stereotypic views of CNM relationships as unstable/ unfulfilling or that individuals engage in CNM because of relationship problems. The findings may facilitate therapeutic interventions for counselors working with individuals who are in the process of negotiating or re-negotiating relationship boundaries.

“There’s no reason to do monogamy”: Evidence for and Characteristics Associated with a Strong Desire for Consensual Nonmonogamy

“…Two individuals even reported being happily monogamous at the time of the interview, after extensive past experience in CNM relationships. Wood et al (2021) and St. Vil et al (2021) both similarly describe some individuals who state that CNM is their most "natural" or even their only viable relationship choice, alongside others who report finding CNM to be practical given their current life circumstances.…”

“…Some of these are straightforward and not surprising, in particular reports of feeling frequent attractions to others and desiring sexual experiences that are not possible within monogamy, and these are to some extent echoed in other work finding that interest in CNM is related to greater openness to casual sex (Ka et al, 2020) and that one motivation for engaging in CNM is the desire for sexual variety and exploration (Cohen, 2015;Moors et al, 2017a;St. Vil et al, 2021;Wood et al, 2021). A strong desire for personal autonomy, a dislike of the idea of one person meeting all of another person's relational needs, and feeling suspicious of monogamy as an ideal state are similarly straightforward, and these line up closely with some of the major motivations for interest or engagement in CNM that have been reported elsewhere: the pursuit of autonomy in relationship choices and diversity in one's sources of needfulfillment (Cohen, 2015;Moors et al, 2017a;Wood et al, 2021) and rejection of monogamous ideals (Sizemore & Olmstead, 2018).…”

“…Vil et al, 2021;Wood et al, 2021). A strong desire for personal autonomy, a dislike of the idea of one person meeting all of another person's relational needs, and feeling suspicious of monogamy as an ideal state are similarly straightforward, and these line up closely with some of the major motivations for interest or engagement in CNM that have been reported elsewhere: the pursuit of autonomy in relationship choices and diversity in one's sources of needfulfillment (Cohen, 2015;Moors et al, 2017a;Wood et al, 2021) and rejection of monogamous ideals (Sizemore & Olmstead, 2018).…”

“…Motivations for engaging in CNM among those who practice it have also been found to include a desire for variety, excitement, and exploration (both sexual and non-sexual); a desire for autonomy in actions and relationship choices; seeking of growth-inducing and self-expanding activities; diversity in one's sources of need-fulfillment; and enhancement of a relationship via formation of other relationships or sexual connections (Cohen, 2015;O'Byrne & Haines, 2019;Moors et al, 2017a;St. Vil et al, 2021;Wood et al, 2021). These groundbreaking studies have begun to illuminate in detail the motivations and desires of those who practice CNM, and the results of some of these studies hint at the idea that some individuals consider CNM to be "natural" for themselves.…”

“…These groundbreaking studies have begun to illuminate in detail the motivations and desires of those who practice CNM, and the results of some of these studies hint at the idea that some individuals consider CNM to be "natural" for themselves. For example, Wood et al (2021) note that some participants described CNM as "authentic" or "natural" for themselves or even as a "relationship orientation," although these striking responses are collected as a sub-theme under the theme of "autonomy" and are not further highlighted by the authors. St.…”