Love at first sight or friends first? Ties among partner personality trait similarity, relationship onset, relationship quality, and love

Abstract

The present study examined the relation between the type of relationship onset on the one hand and the degree to which partners have similar personalities and relationship quality on the other hand. It was hypothesized that partners who fell in love at first sight, relative to partners who got involved more gradually, entered into intimate relationships more shortly after they met, would have mates with less similar personalities, especially with regard to levels of extraversion, emotional stability and autonomy, and would report relatively low levels of relationship quality. In a sample of 137 married or cohabiting couples, it was found that, as predicted, partners who fell in love at first sight became romantically involved more quickly, and showed more dissimilar personalities with regard to levels of extraversion, emotional stability and autonomy. Partners who fell in love at first sight did not report lower relationship quality. Instead, partner personality trait similarity was related to relationship quality as a function of both relationship onset and specific personality traits. KEY WORDS: love • personality • relationship onset • relationship quality • similarityIt is usually reassuring and comforting to meet others who are like ourselves. Similar others do not only validate our beliefs about the world and ourselves but also reduce the risk of conflicts and disagreements (e.g., Byrne, 1971;Morry, 2005). The so called 'similarity-attraction hypothesis' Journal of Social and Personal Relationships

Perceptions of Ideal and Former Partners’ Personality and Similarity

“…For individuals who seek a mate for a long-term, harmonious relationship, finding a similar mate is therefore important, or at least, should be. In general, however, partners have been found to have only somewhat similar personalities (e.g., Barelds & Dijkstra, 2007;Botwin et al, 1997;Dijkstra & Barelds, 2008;McCrae et al, 2008;Rammstedt & Schupp, 2008). Several explanations have been forwarded for this discrepancy.…”

“…Several explanations have been forwarded for this discrepancy. For instance, Barelds and Dijkstra (2007) argue that individuals usually do not take the time to get to know each other properly before they get romantically involved. Indeed, these authors showed that individuals who took the time to get to know each other's personalities and became friends before they got romantically involved -in contrast to those who became romantically involved relatively quickly -ended up with a partner with a more similar personality.…”

“…When asked about their preferences for a mate people may partially draw upon lay theories of romantic attraction rather than their true desires for a mate. In general, the notion that -opposites attract‖ is a relatively popular lay theory of romantic attraction: people often think that individuals who possess complementary characteristics are highly attractive as a partner (Barelds and Dijkstra, 2007). In contrast, looking for someone who is similar to oneself may be perceived as -boring‖.…”

“…To date, studies on partner similarity have exclusively focused on perceived similarity in the current or ideal partner (e.g., Barelds & Dijkstra, 2007;Buunk & Bosman, 1986;Dijkstra & Barelds, 2008;Klohnen & Luo, 2003), neglecting perceptions of similarity of former partners. With regard to former partners, another hypothesis seems to be relevant.…”

“…Homogamy has been reported for numerous characteristics, such as physical attractiveness, attachment style, political and religious attitudes, socioeconomic background, level of education and IQ (Klohnen & Luo, 2003;Luo & Klohnen, 2005), and personality characteristics such as extraversion, agreeableness, and openness to experience (e.g., Barelds & Dijkstra, 2007;Botwin, Buss, & Shackelford, 1997;Dijkstra & Barelds, 2008;McCrae et al, 2008;Rammstedt & Schupp, 2008). In contrast, support for the ‗complementarity hypothesis' is much scarcer.…”