Losing the Child They Thought They Had: Therapeutic Suggestions for an Ambiguous Loss Perspective with Parents of a Transgender Child

Abstract

In our culture, gender is a deeply felt, value-rich, organizing principle; it informs our understanding of who we are as an individual, as well as who we are supposed to be and how we are supposed to act within relationships. This is especially evident in family relationships, and perhaps most strongly in the relationships of mothers and fathers with their sons and daughters. Thus, when a person comes out as transgender or transsexual, parents often experience a profound sense of loss and confusion about their child's new identity and role in the family. In this article, I discuss parental experiences of grief in response to their transgender child's gender transition and propose that parents who struggle with a child's gender transition may be experiencing ambiguous loss. I discuss these experiences in terms of ambiguous loss theory and introduce the concept of dual ambiguous loss. I also provide clinical suggestions for using an ambiguous loss framework with these parents, and offer directions for future research.

Family Boundary Ambiguity Among Transgender Youth

“…Previous studies have found that parents' reactions to gender variance represented a complicated amalgamation of rejection (Grossman et al, ), acceptance and support (Ryan et al, ; Simons et al, ), ambiguity (Wahlig, ), and family transitioning (Norwood, ). Parents' difficulties adjusting to gender variance and gender transition may create the potential for transgender youth to fear family rejection and negotiate feelings of uncertainty about the status of their family relationships (McGuire et al, ).…”

“We are Two of the Lucky Ones”: Experiences with Marriage and Wellbeing for Same-Sex Couples

“…Other same-sex couples described family ambiguity due to shallow or limited support from family, support from select family members only, or support and incidents of rejection (Dziengel, 2012). Thus application of this theory is appropriate as SGM persons and their families often experience ambiguous loss and bound ary ambiguity over time (McGuire, Catalpa, Lacey, & Kuvalanka, 2016;Wahlig, 2014).…”

Pour des interventions anti-oppressives auprès des jeunes trans : nécessités sociales, évidences scientifiques et recommandations issues de la pratique

“…Le soutien familial est donc un des aspects les plus fondamentaux pour le bien-être des jeunes trans (McConnell, Birkett et Mustanski, 2016), mais il doit lui aussi être soutenu et accompagné. Le cheminement de tous les membres de la famille vers l'acceptation peut être difficile, prendre du temps, commencer par un sentiment de chocs et entraîner des conflits entre les parents comme au sein de la sphère familiale ; il implique souvent un processus d'adaptation (Pullen Sansfaçon et al, 2015) ou de deuil (Wahlig, 2015 Robichaud et Dumais-Michaud, 2015 ). Ainsi, décider d'autoriser son enfant à exprimer son identité de genre choisie à l'extérieur de la sphère familiale implique souvent une anxiété et un profond questionnement sur ce qui constitue la « bonne décision » (Pullen Sansfaçon et al, 2015).…”