I Love You But I'm Not In Love with You*

Lasswell, Thomas E.; Lasswell, Marcia E.

doi:10.1111/j.1752-0606.1976.tb00413.x

Cited by 82 publications

(38 citation statements)

References 10 publications

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“…Romantic love without obsession and obsessive love by itself were coded from measures including the Eros and Mania subscale, respectively, of the LAS or the similar SAMPLE (Laswell & Laswell, 1976). Romantic love with obsession was coded from the PLS, the Passion subscale of Sternberg's (1997) Triangular Love Scale, and similar measures.…”

Section: Methodsmentioning

confidence: 99%

Does a Long-Term Relationship Kill Romantic Love?

Acevedo

Aron

2009

Review of General Psychology

183

186

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This article examines the possibility that romantic love (with intensity, engagement, and sexual interest) can exist in long-term relationships. A review of taxonomies, theory, and research suggests that romantic love, without the obsession component typical of early stage romantic love, can and does exist in long-term marriages, and is associated with marital satisfaction, well-being, and high self-esteem. Supporting the separate roles of romantic love and obsession in long-term relationships, an analysis of a moderately large data set of community couples identified independent latent factors for romantic love and obsession and a subsample of individuals reporting very high levels of romantic love (but not obsession) even after controlling for social desirability. Finally, a meta-analysis of 25 relevant studies found that in long-and short-term relationships, romantic love (without obsession) was strongly associated with relationship satisfaction; but obsession was negatively correlated with it in long-term and positively in short-term relationships.One should always be in love. That is the reason one should never marry.-Oscar WildeIn contemporary Western culture, romantic love is deemed an important part of marriage. Many individuals view romantic love as a basis to marry (Dion & Dion, 1991) and its disappearance as grounds to terminate marriage (Simpson, Campbell, & Berscheid, 1986). Increasingly, romantic love and marriage have come to be viewed as a source of self-fulfillment and expression (Dion & Dion, 1991). Ironically though, it is widely believed that over time romantic love fades and that at best it evolves into a "warm afterglow" (Reik, 1944) of companionate love, a friendship-type love. How then, could something that is considered critical, if not the purpose of marrying, also be assumed to die out inevitably?Psychologists, therapists, and laypeople have puzzled over the possibility of romantic love in long-term marriages. Some have assumed that very high levels of romantic love in longterm relationships might be inefficient, being metabolically costly (e.g., Fisher, 2006) and perhaps even deterring the lover from familial, work, and community obligations. Perhaps others have been swayed by media reports highlighting the dark side of love and marriage (e.g., high divorce rates, infidelity, stalking, domestic violence, etc.). Last, maintaining the assumption that romantic love cannot last allows those with good, but not stellar relationships to maintain the status quo and avoid being threatened by the possibility of high levels of love in long-term relationships. Indeed, this is perhaps a rational strategy (even if based on a myth) given that relationship well-being appears to be significantly benefited by downward social comparison with other couples (Rusbult, Van Lange, Wildschut, Yovetich, & Verette, 2000). Or perhaps, as proposed by Mitchell (2002), love could be enduring, but in an attempt to guarantee safety and minimize risks of having unrealistic assumptions about the certainty of the relatio...

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Section: Methodsmentioning

confidence: 99%

Does a Long-Term Relationship Kill Romantic Love?

Acevedo

Aron

2009

Review of General Psychology

183

186

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“…This scale is a modification of a true-false scale that was developed earlier (Lasswell & Lasswell, 1976). In the Love Attitudes Scale, each love style is assessed with 7 items.…”

Section: Measurement Of Compassionate Lovementioning

confidence: 99%

Compassionate love in romantic relationships

Fehr

Harasymchuk

Sprecher

2014

Journal of Social and Personal Relationships

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Compassionate love has been identified as one of the major types of love experienced in relationships (Berscheid, 2010), but one that has been overshadowed by the study of romantic love. In this article, we review research on compassionate love, a relative newcomer to the close relationships field, and present findings that more fully flesh-out the nature of the experience of this kind of love. We begin by discussing conceptions and measurement of compassionate love. We then present a study on the relation between compassionate love and love styles, with a focus on distinguishing between compassionate love and the agape (altruistic) love style. The literature on individual differences in compassionate love is discussed next. The spotlight then shifts to research on the link between compassionate love and prosocial relationship behaviors, relationship quality, and relationship stability. Differences between compassionate love given versus received also are highlighted. We end with a discussion of what compassionate love “looks like” in the context of a romantic relationship and recommend directions for future research.

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“…But the question of love is often seen as "lying within the realm of social psychology and thus taken for granted in a way that belies the underlying ideology of family and the gendered nature of relationships within society" (Edgar & Glezer, 1994, p. 117). With some exceptions (e.g., Lasswell & Lasswell, 1976;Montgomery & Sorell, 1997), family scientists who study intimate relationships often do not question how perceptions of the concept of love may be dramatically different from one person to the next. What does it mean to "love" someone?…”

Section: Introductionmentioning

confidence: 98%

Agape Love in Couple Relationships

Li¹,

Huddleston-Casas

2005

Marriage & Family Review

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This study examined Agape love in couple relationships among randomly-sampled, telephone-surveyed adults currently involved in a romantic relationship. Agape refers to other-centered, altruistic love and is one of the six styles of love from John Lee's (1973) theory of love styles. The results showed that age, religiosity, and relationship satisfaction were positively correlated with Agape. People with more education reported lower Agape love scores than did less educated people. Men reported a higher level of Agape love than did women when controlling for age, education, religiosity and relationship satisfaction.

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I Love You But I'm Not In Love with You*

Cited by 82 publications

References 10 publications

Does a Long-Term Relationship Kill Romantic Love?

Does a Long-Term Relationship Kill Romantic Love?

Compassionate love in romantic relationships

Agape Love in Couple Relationships

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