Experimentally accessible schemes of laser muon ([Formula: see text]) acceleration are introduced and modeled using a novel technique of controlled laser-driven post-processing of cascade showers (or pair plasmas). The proposed schemes use propagating structures in plasma, driven as wakefields of femtosecond-scale high-intensity laser, to capture particles of divergent cascade shower of: (a) hadronic type from proton-nucleon or photo-production reactions or, (b) electromagnetic type. Apart from the direct trapping and acceleration of particles of a raw shower in laser-driven plasma, a conditioning stage is proposed to selectively focus only one of the charge states. Not only is the high gradient that is sustained by laser-driven plasma structures well suited for rapid acceleration to extend the lifetime of short-lived muons but their inherent spatiotemporal scales also make possible production of unprecedented ultrashort, micron-scale muon beams. Compact laser muon acceleration schemes hold the promise to open up new avenues for applications.