“Failed” Matches, Child Removals, and Disrupted Placements: Devastating and Invisible Losses During the Family-Building Journey for LGBTQ Adoptive Parents

Abstract

Reproductive loss, which includes miscarriage and nongestational loss, such as adoption loss, is rarely recognized as part of the family-building journey. Such loss tends to be even more invisible among LGBTQ individuals. The current study examines the experiences of 80 LGBTQ individuals who experienced adoption-related losses (i.e., failed adoption matches, child removals, disrupted child placements), with attention to how these losses impacted them and what enabled them to move forward. Participants who pursued private domestic adoption experienced failed matches (i.e., birth parents deciding to parent or choosing another family) both before ( n = 21) and/or after ( n = 24) a child was born. Participants who pursued public domestic adoption experienced child removals involving reunification with birth parents ( n = 14) and other birth relatives ( n = 18), as well as disrupted placements initiated by parents ( n = 10) and children ( n = 7). Failed matches, child removals, and disrupted placements were typically experienced as “crushing” and invisible losses. They were often followed by a period of grieving, and sometimes prompted adjustments to the type of matches or placements participants would consider (e.g., to mitigate the likelihood of future similar losses). Moving forward from adoption losses was facilitated by support from partners and those who experienced similar losses, knowledge or hope regarding the children once in their care, and finally being placed with the child(ren) whom they ultimately legally adopted.

“We thought we were stronger than we were”: adopters’ narratives about the adoption journey and disruption

“…Many people argue about the trauma that persists long after the disruption occurs, even though the children have spent relatively short periods with the family. These findings are consistent with those of Goldberg and Allen (2022), who studied 80…”

“…According to Schmidt et al (1988) , the adopters experienced the loss of the child following disruption, like the loss of a person through death. These results are supported by a recent study conducted by Goldberg and Allen (2022) on LGBTQ adopters. In the study led by O’Neill (1993) , some parents reported anger and regret, while others felt shame or guilt.…”

From safety in silence to speaking up for LGBTQ+ families: A reflection on the personal, professional, and political through a feminist lens

“…One of the reasons that I have become more bold in exploring difficult topics within families and members of the LGBTQ+ community is that I have more professional power and social capital than I did in the past. As my scholarship and professional identity have become more established, I have continued to delve into research on a number of challenging topics, including same‐sex divorce (Goldberg & Romero, 2019), trans college students' help‐seeking (Goldberg, Kuvalanka, Budge, et al, 2019), postpartum depression in bisexual women (Goldberg, Smith, & Ross, 2020), and reproductive and adoption loss within LGBTQ+ parent families (Goldberg & Allen, 2022). I have also sought to act as a mentor to students and junior colleagues who wish to explore messy topics and/or marginalized communities, cognizant that it is the institutional structures of heterosexism, racism, classism, and cissexism that often result in the silencing of ideas.…”

Understanding and Serving All Families: Introduction to the Special Issue on Supporting Structurally Diverse Families

“…Ferraro and Lucier-Greer (2022) demonstrate the benefits of decreasing overt conflict and promoting self-efficacy in reducing the adverse mental health symptomology of divorced coparents. A pair of articles by Goldberg and Allen (2022a, 2022b) speak to the experiences of LGBTQ families in health care contexts. Specifically, Goldberg and Allen (2022a) demonstrate how reproductive losses can also occur outside of the context of miscarriages or pregnancy losses and highlight the consequences and sources of resilience relied upon by LGBTQ parents experiencing nongestational losses when attempting to transition to parenthood via assistive reproductive technology, adoption, or fostering.…”

“…A pair of articles by Goldberg and Allen (2022a, 2022b) speak to the experiences of LGBTQ families in health care contexts. Specifically, Goldberg and Allen (2022a) demonstrate how reproductive losses can also occur outside of the context of miscarriages or pregnancy losses and highlight the consequences and sources of resilience relied upon by LGBTQ parents experiencing nongestational losses when attempting to transition to parenthood via assistive reproductive technology, adoption, or fostering. In a second article, Goldberg and Allen (2022b) provide a phenomenological examination of how LGBTQ parents navigate asymmetry in genetic/gestational parent status, and experiences of invalidation from outside parties (which may occur particularly frequently in health care contexts).…”