Co-parenting arrangements in lesbian and gay families: when the ‘mum and dad’ ideal generates innovative family forms

Abstract

This paper engages with current debates on the potential of contemporary family formations, particularly those created by lesbian women and gay men, to challenge hegemonic family models. Drawing on in-depth interviews with lesbian and gay individuals living in Belgium, it explores parental ideals and family practices amongst people actively choosing "coparenting arrangements" which include more than two adults raising a child. It examines how this route to parenthood was justified by co-parents" desire for a biological child, to experience pregnancy, to know the child"s background and most importantly, to provide the child with a mother and a father. These motivations not only aimed at normalising their family situation but reflected deeply anchored family values. The paper demonstrates how innovative and reflexive family forms can arise from conventionally-based assumptions regarding gender roles and kinship, and calls therefore for a more nuanced consideration of individual values and intentions in parenting which potentially destabilise the hegemonic family model.

Annual Research Review: Cross‐cultural similarities and differences in parenting

“…A growing body of research focuses on parenting intentions, beliefs, and behaviors of lesbian, gay, and bisexual individuals in different countries (e.g. Herbrand, 2018 in Belgium; Wang & Zheng, 2021 in China) and different family forms (e.g. adoptive families, Pinderhughes & Brodzinsky, 2019).…”

Gay and Lesbian Collaborative Co-Parenting in New Zealand and the United Kingdom: ‘The Law Doesn’t Protect the Third Parent’

“…The findings of the studies suggest that there are benefits to collaborative coparenting models of family for parents and children (see also Herbrand, 2017). In New Zealand and the UK, the kinds of complex situations emerging from such models could be resolved if legal provisions were made for more than two parents to be identified in law subject to the wishes of the parties concerned.…”

Grappling with tradition: the experiences of cisgender, heterosexual mothers and fathers in elective co-parenting arrangements

“…Elective co-parenting has received little academic attention, perhaps due to the ‘invisibility’ of these families, in that they resemble families that are co-parenting post-divorce/separation (Segal-Engelchin et al, 2005 ). Existing research on co-parenting has focussed on parental motivations for choosing elective co-parenting, finding that a key motivation for choosing co-parenting over other routes to parenthood (such as solo parenthood) is so that the child will have both a mother and father who are biologically related to the child (Erera & Segal-Engelchin, 2014 ; Herbrand, 2018a , 2018b ; Jadva et al, 2015 ; Ravelingien et al, 2016 ). Much of this research focuses on the experiences of LGBTQ + parents.…”

“…Much of this research focuses on the experiences of LGBTQ + parents. Whilst some research with queer and trans parents has found that co-parenting/polyamorous-parenting arrangements can enable resistance of traditional parenthood expectations (Bower-Brown, 2022 ; Pain, 2019 ; Vaccaro, 2010 ), other research with cis LGB parents highlights that many co-parents wish to create ‘traditional families’ (Herbrand, 2018a ). For instance, parents have been found to form families which privilege biogenetic parenthood and follow traditional gender norms (e.g.…”

“…For instance, parents have been found to form families which privilege biogenetic parenthood and follow traditional gender norms (e.g. with mothers as primary caregivers) (Erera & Segal-Engelchin, 2014 ; Gahan, 2019 ; Herbrand, 2018a ). Herbrand ( 2018b ) explored the way in which lesbian/gay co-parents in Belgium negotiated their parenting roles and responsibilities, finding that gender norms restricted the extent to which parents could create flexible and reflexive co-parenting arrangements.…”