This article provides in-depth analysis of Hellish Quart: a fighting game set in 17th century Polish–Lithuanian Commonwealth, and cherished for its realism, vis-a-vis Neosarmatian ideology of the Polish alt-right: the current iteration of centuries-old origin myth of Polish nobility. While we do not consider the game a willing participant in the proliferation of Alt-Sarmatian ideas, we claim the pervasiveness of Sarmatism within Polish national identity makes it difficult not to consider the conservative approach to national history a “realistic one.” In this article, we present the shortened history of both Sarmatian myth and the special place sabre-fighting occupies in Polish culture, and utilize them to understand ideological entanglement of the “realism” offered by Hellish Quart regarding the vision of the past and the mechanics of combat.