General considerations in general relativity and quantum mechanics are known to potentially rule out continuous global symmetries in the context of any consistent theory of quantum gravity. Assuming the validity of such considerations, we derive stringent bounds from gamma-ray, X-ray, cosmic-ray, neutrino, and CMB data on models that invoke global symmetries to stabilize the dark matter particle. We compute up-to-date, robust model-independent limits on the dark matter lifetime for a variety of Planck-scale suppressed dimension-five effective operators. We then specialize our analysis and apply our bounds to specific models including the Two-Higgs-Doublet, Left-Right, Singlet Fermionic, Zee-Babu, 3-3-1 and Radiative See-Saw models. Assuming that (i) global symmetries are broken at the Planck scale, that (ii) the non-renormalizable operators mediating dark matter decay have O(1) couplings, that (iii) the dark matter is a singlet field, and that (iv) the dark matter density distribution is well described by a NFW profile, we are able to rule out fermionic, vector, and scalar dark matter candidates across a broad mass range (keV-TeV), including the WIMP regime.