Barriers and Stigma Experienced by Gay Fathers and Their Children

Abstract

BACKGROUND: Gay men have become fathers in the context of a heterosexual relationship, by adoption, by donating sperm to 1 or 2 lesbian women and subsequently sharing parenting responsibilities, and/or by engaging the services of a surrogate pregnancy carrier. Despite legal, medical, and social advances, gay fathers and their children continue to experience stigma and avoid situations because of fear of stigma. Increasing evidence reveals that stigma is associated with reduced well-being of children and adults, including psychiatric symptoms and suicidality. METHODS:Men throughout the United States who identified as gay and fathers completed an online survey. Dissemination of the survey was enhanced via a "snowball" method, yielding 732 complete responses from 47 states. The survey asked how the respondent had become a father, whether he had encountered barriers, and whether he and his child(ren) had experienced stigma in various social contexts. RESULTS:Gay men are increasingly becoming fathers via adoption and with assistance of an unrelated pregnancy carrier. Their pathways to fatherhood vary with socioeconomic class and the extent of legal protections in their state. Respondents reported barriers to becoming a father and stigma associated with fatherhood in multiple social contexts, most often in religious institutions. Fewer barriers and less stigma were experienced by fathers living in states with more legal protections. CONCLUSIONS:Despite growing acceptance of parenting by same-gender adults, barriers and stigma persist. States' legal and social protections for lesbian and gay individuals and families appear to be effective in reducing experiences of stigma for gay fathers. abstract

“I Was Just Fed up of Not Being Myself”: Coming out Experiences of White British Divorced and Separated Gay Fathers

“…Some of our participants emphasized the significant changes in social attitudes to homosexuality, compared to when they were young men, and rather wistfully reflected on the greater freedom their children's generation seemed to experience around sexuality. However, not all thought that PHGF like them are a "dying breed" (Gates, 2015;Perrin et al, 2019;Tasker & Lavender-Stott, 2020; some argued that the greater accessibility of sex with men via the internet means that men who have sex with men but do not identify as gay will enter heterosexual marriages safe in the knowledge that they can relatively easily meet their needs for sex with men. Whereas cottaging and cruising (seeking out casual sex with other men in public sex environments such as toilets; "cottaging" takes its name from the cottage-like appearance of some self-contained public toilet blocks in UK parks) require a certain amount of specialist knowledge, any man with access to the internet can find men to have sex with.…”

“…Some of the men spoke of feelings of grief and "excruciating pain" (Rob) around the loss of daily contact with their children and had fears around losing access to their children if their homosexuality became known -"suddenly I had a life without erm (pause) my daughter, or reading a bedtime story, or getting them breakfast … getting access to my children was really difficult" (Rob) (Daly et al, 2020). Richard was "in and out of court with my ex-wife just fighting in legal battles" (Daly et al, 2020;Perrin et al, 2019). Ronan was awarded sole custody of this children because his ex-wife "had left them and she didn't keep her access dates" (Ronan).…”

“…The men encountered incomprehension in both the gay and straight worlds; they felt at times that they did not completely belong in either world. The men also experienced negativity in the straight world (Benson et al, 2005;Perrin et al, 2019), particularly from straight men. Four of the men encountered homophobic assumptions around pedophilia (Dunne, 2001b): "in the past there's been stuff about the whole, y'know gay men are pedophiles around children, which I did experience" (Peter).…”

“…There is some empirical evidence to support the notion that there is a generational change in pathways to gay parenthood. US surveys (e.g., Perrin et al, 2019; and analysis of official data from sources such as the US Census Bureau (Gates, 2015) show that a majority of older gay men have children through a heterosexual relationship whereas only a small number of younger gay men report this pathway. Gates (2015) also noted that most children (around two thirds) currently living with same-sex couples were likely born in a previous heterosexual relationship and are identified as the biological child or step-child of one partner in the couple (around 12% of children living with samesex couples are identified as foster or adopted children).…”

School Outcomes of Children Raised by Same-Sex Parents: Evidence from Administrative Panel Data

“…In turn, children of same-sex parents may be affected by the discrimination their parents face (Bos et al 2004; McLanahan et al 2013) and perform worse in school as a result. Children of same-sex parents can also directly experience discrimination by being bullied about their parents’ sexual orientation (Perrin et al 2019), leading to lower school performance (Robinson and Espelage 2011).…”