Authenticity and positivity strivings in marriage and courtship.

Abstract

We proposed that married persons would want their spouses to see them as they saw themselves but that dating persons would want their relationship partners to evaluate them favorably. A survey of 176 married and dating couples tested these predictions. Just as married persons were most intimate with spouses whose evaluations verified their self-views, dating persons were most intimate with partners who evaluated them favorably. For married people with negative self-views, then, intimacy increased as their spouses evaluated them more negatively. Marriage apparently precipitates a shift from a desire for positive evaluations to a desire for self-verifying evaluations.

The benefits of positive illusions: Idealization and the construction of satisfaction in close relationships.

“…But married individuals are thought to resist such "groundless" flattery and insist that their partners see them as they see themselves (Swann et al, 1994). However, we did not find any evidence that being idealized detracts from satisfaction in marriage.…”

“…Perhaps self-verification is more important for the more objective, highly public attributes (e.g., physically attractive, musically skilled, athletic) examined by Swann et al (1994). Illusions, by contrast, may reap their greatest benefits when the criteria for possession of a particular attribute are more ambiguous, as may be the case with the more abstract, interpersonal qualities we examined (e.g., Dunning, Meyerowitz, & Holzberg, 1989;Goethals, Messick, & Allison, 1991).…”

“…Also, even in marriage, being idealized predicted greater satisfaction regardless of whether we focused on abstract interpersonal qualities or more objective qualities, such as those used by Swann et al (1992Swann et al ( ,1994.…”

Rain on my parade: Perceiving low self-esteem in close others hinders positive self-disclosure

“…Lemay and Dudley also demonstrated that inauthenticity is associated with decreased relationship satisfaction over time. The notion that people want to feel truly known by others is also well-documented (Swann, de la Ronde, & Hixon, 1994) and regulating what one does and does not communicate to an LSE may be cognitive costly (Vohs, Baumeister, & Ciarocco, 2005).…”

Does talking the talk help walking the walk? An examination of the effect of vocal attractiveness in leader effectiveness

“…Vocal attractiveness provides social cues that help engage followers' implicit leadership theories. When cues like vocal attractiveness make leaders seem "leader-like" in the eyes of others, followers verify their role identities as followers, leading to greater trust, commitment, and emotional attachment to the leader (Burke & Stets 1999;Swann, De La Ronde and Hixon, 1994;Swann & Ely 1984;Turner 1968). Therefore vocal attractiveness should elicit personal reactions that reflect trust, commitment (willingness to accept influence, compliance, persuasion), and emotional attachment (liking).…”