A little good goes an unexpectedly long way: Underestimating the positive impact of kindness on recipients.

Abstract

Performing random acts of kindness increases happiness in both givers and receivers, but we find that givers systematically undervalue their positive impact on recipients. In both field and laboratory settings (Experiments 1a through 2b), those performing an act of kindness reported how positive they expected recipients would feel and recipients reported how they actually felt. From giving away a cup of hot chocolate in a park to giving away a gift in the lab, those performing a random act of kindness consistently underestimated how positive their recipients would feel, thinking their act was of less value than recipients perceived it to be. Givers' miscalibrated expectations are driven partly by an egocentric bias in evaluations of the act itself (Experiment 3). Whereas recipients' positive reactions are enhanced by the warmth conveyed in a kind act, givers' expectations are relatively insensitive to the warmth conveyed in their action. Underestimating the positive impact of a random act of kindness also leads givers to underestimate the behavioral consequences their prosociality will produce in recipients through indirect reciprocity (Experiment 4). We suggest that givers' miscalibrated expectations matter because they can create a barrier to engaging in prosocial actions more often in everyday life (Experiments 5a and 5b), which may result in people missing out on opportunities to enhance both their own and others' well-being.

Undersociality is unwise

“…These specific findings about prosocial spending are mirrored in other social acts done with positive intent that reliably increase a person's wellbeing, including expressing gratitude (e.g., DeSteno et al, 2014; Emmons & McCullough, 2003; Kumar & Epley, 2018; Lyubomirsky et al, 2011; Seligman et al, 2005), performing random acts of kindness (e.g., Chancellor et al, 2018; Curry et al 2018; Dunn et al, 2008; Kumar & Epley, in press), connecting with strangers in conversation (e.g., Epley & Schroeder, 2014; Kardas et al, 2022a; Schroeder et al, 2022), and even acting extroverted (e.g., Fleeson et al, 2002; McNiel & Fleeson, 2006). Indeed, the positive impact of sociality on wellbeing is robust, emerging among both extroverts and introverts alike (Margolis & Lyubomirsky, 2020; Zelenski et al, 2012).…”

“…This means that miscalibrated expectations are not only likely to inhibit kind words of gratitude, compliments, or support, but also inhibit kind actions as well. In one experiment, for example (Kumar & Epley, in press), MBA students were asked to perform any random act of kindness they could think of for someone they knew. The kind acts ranged widely, including making cookies for a friend, offering another student a ride home from campus, and buying a beverage for someone else.…”

“…We observed that recipients perceived the act to be bigger than the performers did, thought more was spent on the act (in time, money, and energy), and that the recipients also felt more positive than the performers expected. In a conceptual replication of this effect (Kumar & Epley, in press), participants visiting the skating ribbon in Maggie Daley Park in Chicago were asked to give away a cup of hot chocolate to another stranger on a cold winter's day as a random act of kindness. Recipients of that hot chocolate again felt more positive than those who gave away the hot chocolate expected.…”

Understanding undersociality: Intentions, impressions, and interactions

“…Consistent with Silver and Small's (2023) suggestions, we believe there are meaningful connections between the research we reviewed and research examining impression management and reputation signaling. We think systematic misunderstandings about the minds of others are what create barriers to social engagement, including underestimating others' interest in talking (Epley & Schroeder, 2014) or having meaningful conversations (Kardas, Kumar, & Epley, 2022), as well as underestimating others' positive emotions following a prosocial action (Kumar & Epley, 2018, 2023; Zhao & Epley, 2021a). In addition to these, Silver and Small (2023) also suggest that actors may consider whether their behavior could convey negative signals to others, such as lacking competence.…”

“…In the long run, undersociality could have far more significant outcomes. Undersociality might also stand in the way of further prosocial acts, given the downstream behavioral consequence of kindness spreading after people perform random acts of kindness for others (Kumar & Epley, 2023). We look forward to learning more about how engaging with others impacts both immediate experience as well long‐term outcomes, compared to expectations about these outcomes.…”