A life of relationships

Abstract

This chapter bridges the macro–micro gap by showing how the historical transformation of intimacy is reflected in older individuals’ relationship careers. The chapter challenges the idea that current generations of older people have normally lived their lives in single lifelong marriages ending in widowhood and shows the complexity of their relationship careers. It discusses the consequences of prior relationship experiences on interest in, and preferences for, late-life intimacy. It discusses the different implications of being widowed versus divorced for interest in repartnering. Finally, it focuses on the different biographical relationship experiences of women and men and how they impact on the interest for repartnering in later life. The chapter concludes with a discussion of the presented findings in relation to the deinstitutionalisation of the life course. Extensive biographical case descriptions are used to give the reader an understanding of what it means to have lived one’s life during the historical transition to divorce culture.

Dyadic Experiences of Love in Late-Life Repartnering Relationships

“…The findings of this study indicate that late-life repartnering love in some cases resembles a combination between compassionate love (Fehr et al, 2014), which includes intimacy and commitment without passion (Sternberg, 1986), and Lee’s (1977) Storage love style, which is a slowly developing affectionate companionship with gradual self-disclosure and long-term commitment expectations. However, studies conducted in more modern Western cultures found a change of attitude, indicating more liberal sexual values enabling late-life repartners to reveal a passionate partner relationship experience beyond compassion (Bildtgård & Öberg, 2019).…”

“…However, the passionate, bodily, sexual component of love between partners (Fromm, 1956; Sternberg, 1986) contradicts the social perception of the aging body and therefore is perceived as inappropriate (Bildtgård & Öberg, 2019; Langer, 2012). Despite this, romantic love is practiced in old age (Bildtgård & Öberg, 2019), yet differently. Older persons in a sexual relationship emphasize a compassionate love (Rauer, Sabey & Jensen, 2014) of giving rather than receiving (Fromm, 1956; Gewirtz-Meydan & Ayalon, 2018).…”

“…It has been extensively studied among younger adults, yet its meaning among older adults and particularly in new partner relationships formulated later in life has scarcely been studied. Such relationships have been studied as a phenomenon throughout the last two decades (e.g., Benson & Coleman, 2016; Bildtgård & Öberg, 2019; Brown, Bulanda, & Lee, 2012; Bulcroft, 2019; Davidson, 2002; Kim, Xu, Cruz, Saito, & Østbye, 2021; Koren, 2011, 2014, 2015, 2016; Koren & Ayalon, 2019; 2020; Teresa, Moor, & Sailor, 2018; Samanta, & Varghese, 2019; Spalter, 2010). Although love has previously been identified as a main motivation for initiating a new partner relationship later in life (Davidson, 2002), publications that have addressed love (e.g., Bildtgård & Öberg, 2019; Bulcroft, 2019; Kim et al, 2021; Samanta, & Varghese, 2019) have not focused on how participants define and experience love in their relationship.…”

“…Such relationships have been studied as a phenomenon throughout the last two decades (e.g., Benson & Coleman, 2016; Bildtgård & Öberg, 2019; Brown, Bulanda, & Lee, 2012; Bulcroft, 2019; Davidson, 2002; Kim, Xu, Cruz, Saito, & Østbye, 2021; Koren, 2011, 2014, 2015, 2016; Koren & Ayalon, 2019; 2020; Teresa, Moor, & Sailor, 2018; Samanta, & Varghese, 2019; Spalter, 2010). Although love has previously been identified as a main motivation for initiating a new partner relationship later in life (Davidson, 2002), publications that have addressed love (e.g., Bildtgård & Öberg, 2019; Bulcroft, 2019; Kim et al, 2021; Samanta, & Varghese, 2019) have not focused on how participants define and experience love in their relationship. For instance, in a study conducted in a more traditional cultural context, love was investigated as a relationship that contradicts the cultural norm (Samanta & Varghese, 2019).…”

“…For instance, in a study conducted in a more traditional cultural context, love was investigated as a relationship that contradicts the cultural norm (Samanta & Varghese, 2019). On the other hand, Bildtgård’s and Öberg’s book (2019) on intimacy and aging in a more modern cultural context addressed love as the background for sex in a chapter on sex in an ideology of love. The aim of this article is to place love at the foreground and examine in-depth experiences of love and their meaning as a concept in such relationships from an individual and dyadic perspective within a cultural context located between tradition and modernity.…”