Self‐burning and self‐immolation are forms of self‐harm found across the Eastern Mediterranean region and South and Central Asia. The majority of those choosing these methods of self‐harm are young women. Using data from 100 young female survivors of suicidal attempts in the Kurdistan Region of Iraq, this article analyses the phenomenon in the context of a life‐course progression arguing that the period around first marriage is a time of particular trauma to women. We suggest that self‐burning should be understood as a communicative act with an indigenous semiology which functions as an expression of subordinated agency within a male‐dominated society, in which marriage is a major source of conflict between generations and genders.