The adversary legal system has frequently been criticized by the mental health professions as poorly designed to meet the psychological needs of families. This article explores why that criticism is true. Successful adjustment to divorce by couples and their children requires the completion of critical psychological and practical tasks early in the divorce. In particular, the noninitiating spouse must come to terms with the fact of divorce and control the intense emotions that accompany the decision to divorce. The norms and values of the legal system and the perceptions and behaviors of the lawyers interfere with completion of the psychological tasks and retard adaptation. Mediation is viewed as an appropriate model for supporting the completion of successful divorce.
Marriages between an older man and a younger woman frequently end in divorce because the couple is unable to negotiate a critical change in the relationship. Such marriages are often based on an implicit contract in which the wife achieves rapid economic and professional advancement by marrying a successful and wealthier man while the husband gets an adoring and submissive wife who accepts his domination. This works only until the wife matures and demands a more equal relationship. This demand is often experienced by the husband as a breach of their contract and a betrayal of the marital agreement. An inability on his part to renegotiate the relationship is generally the precursor to divorce. This article explores the psychodynamics of such relationships as well as the counseling and legal issues raised by these divorces.
This article explores the difficulties that arise for divorce lawyers and their clients when the client has borderline personality disorder. The borderline is characterized by instability in interpersonal relationships, poor impulse control, chronic rage, and a pervasive fear of abandonment. Successful divorce requires the management of separation and strong emotions, adaptation to change, and the necessity of negotiation and compromise. These tasks constitute a severe challenge to the limited behavioral repertory of the borderline. For the borderline, divorce is like being in hell. And for the lawyer, this is a very difficult client to please.
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