Americans are marrying out of their ethnic groups at an ever-increasing rate, reflecting the expectation that people in this country will assimilate into what has been termed the "melting pot." We know, however, that not all ingredients in the pot have melted and that ethnic values and identification remain with us for generations. The difficulties inherent in intermarriage then become intensified by being unanticipated. We confuse the idea that we are all created equal with the belief that we are all the same. This paper presents a paradigm for understanding the family patterns and typical problems of intermarried couples, and offers suggestions for clinical intervention. We will present a framework for helping spouses to recognize, understand, and negotiate their differences. We are keenly aware of the perniciousness of negative stereotyping in our culture and in no way wish to contribute to that tendency. We wish instead to provide a map that, although covering only limited aspects of the terrain, may nevertheless provide a guide to explorers seeking a path to expand our clinical sensitivity and effectiveness. Ethnicity and MarriageThroughout our lives ethnicity is a powerful influence in determining our identity. By providing a sense of belonging and of historical continuity, it meets a basic psychological need. An ethnic group has been defined as "those who conceive of themselves as alike by virtue of their common ancestry, real or fictitious, and who are so regarded by others" (46). Ethnicity describes a sense of commonality transmitted over generations by the family and reinforced by the surrounding community. It is more than race, religion, or national and geographic origin (which is not to minimize the significance of race or the special problems of racism). It involves conscious and unconscious processes that fulfill a deep psychological need for identity and historical continuity (20). Ethnicity patterns our thinking, feeling, and behavior in both obvious and subtle ways. It plays a major role in determining what we eat, how we work, how we relax, how we celebrate holidays and rituals, and how we feel about life, death, and illness.Ethnicity interacts with the family life cycle at every stage. When conflicts about one's ethnic identity interact with life cycle transitions, the stresses inherent in all change are compounded. When we go through life cycle changes, we need our cultural identity most; it provides us with the rituals, the symbols, and the context of familiar meanings that cushion those changes for us. Any life cycle transition can trigger ethnic identity conflicts, since it brings families closer to the roots of their traditions. How the rituals of transition are celebrated can make an important difference in how well the family will adjust to the changes required by the transition (15)
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