Using the lenses of systemic family psychology and family sociology, this study explores the meanings of couple intimacy and the factors that have an impact on it. Through the qualitative analysis of 33 joint couple interviews, several links were found between current intimacy debates (ie, togetherness versus autonomy), which help to build a complex picture of relationship dynamics. The participants’ perspectives provided three important results. First, couple intimacy was perceived as encompassing authenticity, sharing and trust, along with privacy, understanding and autonomy. Second, factors that have a negative impact on couple intimacy were related to the calibration of boundaries with other subsystems (especially work). Third, changing the everyday routine of couple life is the factor that influences intimacy in a most positive manner. These results allow us to provide a theoretical complexification and an empirical update of couple intimacy, as well as to contribute with relevant clues for couple therapy and preventive systemic interventions.
The scientific community underlines that one of the main challenges for couples is the effect of time on sexual desire. Some studies suggest that although some dimensions associated with intimacy tend to increase during the relationship, sexual desire and the related constructs tend to decrease. Some researchers have recently suggested that couples' relationships with high degrees of sharing and fusion might be particularly detrimental for the sustenance of sexual desire. However, the authors found no empirical or theoretical studies that investigate the relations between intimacy and desire. Recovering the concept of differentiation as a possible influencing variable between intimacy and desire, this article develops reflections on this theme, which is of paramount relevance for the couple viability.
The question of what heightens or diminishes sexual desire has long been a passionate theme across cultures in literature, arts, media, and medicine. Yet, little research has been conducted to determine what affects level of desire within couples. The degree of differentiation of self has been suggested as an important variable in shaping partners' level of desire. Through a qualitative analysis of dyadic couple interviews, this study provides an account of characteristics, processes, and trajectories of sexual desire and differentiation in 33 heterosexual couples of varying ages and relationship duration. Factors associated with high desire were change and autonomy, whereas conflict and children were reported to be desire-diminishing factors. Innovation, sharing, autonomy, and effort emerged as desire-promoting strategies, while fostering personal interests, investing in a positive connection, and enhancing personal integrity were identified as couples' strategies to promote and preserve differentiation of self. The results also shed light on couples' perceptions of whether and how sexual desire changes over the course of the relationship and challenge common cultural assumptions about desire in committed relationships-namely the myth that the only authentic expression of desire is that which occurs spontaneously and without intention and planning. Implications for couple therapy are discussed.
The relationship between sexual desire and differentiation of self in couples has been frequently discussed in clinical literature but lacks empirical support. This exploratory study investigates the associations between individual and dyadic levels of sexual desire, differentiation of self, and couple satisfaction. Similarities and discrepancies in sexual desire and differentiation of self between partners were especially targeted. Partners were expected to have a lower discrepancy of differentiation of self than unrelated individuals (Bowen's similarity hypothesis). Partners' discrepancy in differentiation of self was expected to be negatively associated with sexual desire, and higher levels of sexual desire and differentiation in the dyad were expected be positively associated with couple satisfaction. Results suggest that partners' similarity regarding differentiation of self predicted individual sexual desire. Other findings suggest that couple satisfaction was positively associated with both sexual desire and differentiation of self. Limitations and clinical implications are discussed.
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