Trainers of mediators are often asked questions about how to deal with clients who are very protracted in their conflict. Some of the following thoughts, gleaned from preconference institutes conducted by the author at the last three Academy of Family Mediator conferences, may provide the mediator with suggestions leading to more successful mediations. Success is an attitude on the mediator"s part: success is aided when a mediator thinks about how she or he thinks. A paradigm can be described as the rules of the game, the way things are, parameters, or boundaries and how you navigate within these boundaries.Marriage is a good example of a paradigm: it has its own set of rules, and these rules assist the members of the couple to understand how to deal with one another. Another way to describe a paradigm is to say that it is the way we perceive our surroundings. A paradigm shift occurs when the "rules of the game" change a person"s life. For example, a paradigm shift occurs when separation or divorce takes place. Those who best understand and anticipate paradigm shifts will deal best with the future. Paradigms make us comfortable, for a familiar paradigm enables us to have a certain degree of confidence in outcomes. However, no paradigm can last forever or will always hold true. One paradigm that has recently shifted, for example, is that "marriage is forever".
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