Shame remains largely a hidden phenomenon in the treatment of couples. It can manifest itself as a determining factor in events ranging from entrenched blaming to missed appointments. Although there is a growing body of literature on individual shame dynamics and, to a lesser extent, on couple andfamily shame dynamics, there is little written on how to incorporate these theories into treatment. This paper offers working dejnitions of shame, proposes a systemic dejnition of shame as seen in couples, reviews the literature on couple shame dynamics, and explores issues of therapeutic stance and treatment techniques in working with shame in couples therapy.Among the most perplexing challenges encountered by couples therapists are instances where treatment does not proceed according to the therapist's expectations. Couples may become entrenched in blaming, stuck in repetitive arguments, or drop out of therapy. Shame often plays a major and concealed role in these situations.The patterns connected with shame have only recently been recognized and their complexities and connection with other phenomena begun to be explored by systemsoriented couples therapists. Understanding these patterns in couple systems often illuminates a multitude of previously unexplained events, ranging from missed appointments to the escalation of seemingly straightforward problems into spiraling cycles of withdrawal, blame, or violence. Many difficult diagnostic circumstances, including depression, post-traumatic stress disorder, substance abuse, borderline, and other personality disorders, fit into this scheme.Our focus is on couples' shame dynamics, that is, how shame becomes imbedded in the system, is expressed by each member, and becomes both causal and consequential. We propose that clinical thinking in connection with couples therapy be reorganized to include a systemic understanding of shame. The use of shame as a central organizing principle to reexamine couples' dynamics and treatment is important across the full range of therapeutic parameters, including couples' presenting problems, individual diagnoses of the partners, and the therapist's theoretical orientation.Our goal in this paper is to help therapists expand their conceptualization of treatment to consciously include how shame operates in couples. We present a systemic definition of Dennis Balcom, MSW, is in private practice,
scite is a Brooklyn-based organization that helps researchers better discover and understand research articles through Smart Citations–citations that display the context of the citation and describe whether the article provides supporting or contrasting evidence. scite is used by students and researchers from around the world and is funded in part by the National Science Foundation and the National Institute on Drug Abuse of the National Institutes of Health.
customersupport@researchsolutions.com
10624 S. Eastern Ave., Ste. A-614
Henderson, NV 89052, USA
Copyright © 2024 scite LLC. All rights reserved.
Made with 💙 for researchers
Part of the Research Solutions Family.