Building on an ethnographic approach, this study aims to explore how the notion of couplehood and family life is understood and negotiated in everyday life by older carers and their spouses. Inspired by Morgan's perspective on the doing of family life, and Hochschild's analysis of emotion work and feeling rules, the article shows how the process of becoming a carer/care recipient creates a new life situation for couples. The findings show that gendered tasks of family life such as housework and financial responsibilities change between spouses, and new practicalities emerge. This in turn changes the power balance between the spouses and how they do couplehood. The findings also reveal how the participants' sense of we and I are negotiated to do family life, with regards to their health, sense of moral obligation, personal autonomy, love and caregiving. A sense of social isolation is apparent, and social media, apps and online games are sometimes used to create digital spaces in which participants can maintain connections with friends and children, find solitude and regain energy by getting a temporary pause from spousal informal care. Such strategies enable couples to find balance and a sense of autonomy in their lives as a family.