Why do we self‐punish? Perceptions of the motives and impact of self‐punishment outside the laboratory

Abstract

This study explores perceptions of why people punish themselves in response to feelings of moral failure. Experimental research has posited some of self‐punishment's functions, but it remains unclear whether the perceived motives and outcomes for those engaging in spontaneous self‐punishment are fundamentally distinct from those in experimental settings. This study explores and interprets laypersons’ experiences of their own self‐punishment, using qualitative and quantitative data collected in an online survey. Self‐punishers responded to a series of questions examining what kinds of self‐punishment behaviours they engage in and why, and their effects on emotions, cognitions, and relationships. Key themes identified via thematic analysis included self‐punishment as an emotion regulation strategy, as an opportunity to reflect and learn from the transgression, and the notion that self‐punishment becomes normalised. Analysis of these themes suggests that self‐punishment can reflect both psychological avoidance and resolution of problems, and that these two functions have different implications for reconciliation. Key message Our analysis of naturalistic self‐punishment experiences revealed dimensions of self‐punishment neglected in the empirical literature, in particular the notion of self‐punishment as an exploration (rather than an evasion) of one's guilt.

Dynamics of Moral Repair: Forgiveness, Self-Forgiveness, and the Restoration of Value Consensus as Interdependent Processes

“…In principle, the involved parties can independently affirm violated values without engaging with the other, through (self-)punitive or (self-)forgiving acts (e.g., De Vel-Palumbo et al, 2018; Wenzel & Okimoto, 2010). In fact, they may even do so through differentiation from the other, such as when victims (or third parties) impose a punishment to censure the offense or symbolically exclude the offender from their moral community, thus reinforcing the values within the rest of the community (Okimoto & Wenzel, 2009).…”

“…Wrongdoing has at least two sides: one person (“victim”) has been harmed, hurt, or insulted by another person (“offender”). Current social psychological research has helped understand each individual party’s behavior, including when victims seek punishment of offenders (e.g., Yoshimura & Boon, 2018) and offenders self-punish (e.g., De Vel-Palumbo et al, 2018), when victims seek and offenders offer apologies (e.g., Fehr & Gelfand, 2010; Schumann, 2018), and—important here—when victims offer forgiveness and offenders self-forgive (e.g., Fehr et al, 2010; Woodyatt et al, 2017).…”

Members of Transgressor Groups Prefer Reparations to Come From Third Parties

“…Because guilt often involves self-punishment (Griffin et al, 2016; Vel-Palumbo et al, 2018), it may seem at first glance that repayment without suffering would not be the preferred response to guilt. Even if self-punishment depletes one’s own resources, it may be chosen to send a signal that one is a morally motivated member of the community.…”

Self‐punishment promotes reconciliation with third parties by addressing the symbolic implications of wrongdoing

“…-Eartha Kitt Rather than always avoiding discomfort and pain, there are times when people embrace or perpetuate their own suffering. It can also manifest itself in a number of arguably more benign ways-including denial of pleasure ("going without things I wanted"), food restriction ("I didn't eat for a week"), social isolation ("withdrawn from everyone"), and self-sabotage ("not cared for myself") (examples taken from a community sample of self-punishers; de Vel-Palumbo, Woodyatt, & Wenzel, 2018). The desire to be punished for one's wrong actions can drive some to even extreme acts of self-harm (Klonsky, 2011;Nock, 2009).…”

“…Clearly, self-punishment can take extreme and physically damaging forms. It can also manifest itself in a number of arguably more benign ways-including denial of pleasure ("going without things I wanted"), food restriction ("I didn't eat for a week"), social isolation ("withdrawn from everyone"), and self-sabotage ("not cared for myself") (examples taken from a community sample of self-punishers; de Vel-Palumbo, Woodyatt, & Wenzel, 2018).…”