Who carries the baby? How lesbian couples in the Netherlands choose birth motherhood

Abstract

Objective The purpose of the study is to contribute to an understanding of the cultural and normative meaning of birth motherhood and how lesbian couples decide who carries the child. Background The decision of who carries the child is central in lesbian family‐making, carrying consequences for life after birth. Even so, it has been relatively overlooked in research. Drawing from the sociology of personal life and Park's (2013) conceptualization of monomaternalism, we study how informants consider and decide birth motherhood. Method Semistructured interviews with both partners in 21 pregnant lesbian couples in the Netherlands were thematically analyzed. Results The meaning of birth motherhood was ambivalent, linked to femininity, socially recognized motherhood, and biogenetic imaginaries. In couples where both wanted to carry, age, which carried different symbolic meanings, was a powerful tiebreaker. Conclusion Our study shows how the monomaternalist norm shapes conceptualizations of birth motherhood. Desires to experience pregnancy are strong for many. Referring to age can be a way for couples to defuse tension, but it can also be a resource drawn upon to close further negotiations. Implications Our study carries implications for policy makers, health care workers, and mothers‐to‐be. Scholarly, it illuminates the ways in which motherhood, in its various forms, is perceived and recognized.

Money, Birth, Gender: Explaining Unequal Earnings Trajectories following Parenthood

“…For female same-sex couples, the path to biological parenthood involves either private insemination or medically assisted reproduction techniques, such as in vitro fertilization. Private insemination is not rare for same-sex couples in the Netherlands, even though access to fertility clinics has been available since the 1970s (Geerts and Evertsson 2022). Female same-sex couples were never excluded from medically assisted reproduction, but regulatory changes in 2002 and 2014 made it easier for social mothers to be recognized as legal parents when the sperm donor is unknown (Evertsson, Jaspers, and Moberg 2020).…”

LGBTQ family building: A guide for prospective parents. By Abbie E.Goldberg, Washington, DC: American Psychological Association. 2022. pp. 295. $16.99 (paperback). ISBN: 978‐1‐4338‐3392‐2

“…We also know little about platonic co‐parenting, which resists the idea that parenting needs to stem from two romantically or sexually involved partners. Researchers also could explore how LGBTQ parents wrestle with complicated tensions embedded within certain pathways to parenthood, such as transnational surrogacy or transracial adoption (Geerts & Evertsson, 2022; Goldberg et al, 2023; Shaw et al, 2022). Lastly and more foundationally, researchers could begin to pull apart intentions, desires, and motivations for parenthood in the first place.…”