When it all goes wrong – challenge to mother blame: forging connections between mother and daughter

Abstract

This article outlines our clinical development as therapists working with mothers and daughters showing a high level of psychological distress and searching for a way to remain connected. We explore the contemporary discourses of mothering and mother blame to enrich our practice and enable women to acknowledge responsibility constructively and move from the paralysis of blame, shame and guilt. Within the context of these restraints we elaborate our model of working which aims to establish a therapeutic alliance with both mother and daughter and enables exploration of the complex levels of contextual and emotional meaning which underpin their relationship. We aim to develop mutual empathy without sacrificing appropriate responsibility. We believe that systemic practice has inadequately addressed these issues in clinical practice. We encourage greater transparency and self-reflexivity in our encounters.

The mother–daughter guilt dynamic: effects of type 1 diabetes during life transitions

“…Mothers’ feelings towards their children have been explored in the literature in the context of chronic illness and disabilities (Barlow et al. 1998, McNab & Kavner 2001, Nelson 2003) and indicate that when a child’s disability or chronic illness is discovered, mothers have to deal with the loss of ‘normal’ child and accept ‘a different child’. Common emotions mothers expressed were injustice, fear, anxiety, grief, shock, disappointment, despair and guilt (Nelson 2003).…”

The eating disorder recovery assemblage: Collectively generating possibilities for eating disorder recovery

“…This focus may inadvertently reinforce dominant stereotypes about who eating disorders impact: that is, thin, young, white, heterosexual, middle- to upper-class women, whose families (and especially mothers) are able to support them full time. Further, by focusing on supporters including but not limited to legal or blood relatives, this work extends beyond classical mother-responsibilizing (and blaming) discourses so common in eating disorder rhetoric (McNab & Kavner, 2001).…”

Bringing forth stories of blame and shame in dialogues with families affected by adolescent self‐harm

“…Both blame and shame are widely accepted to be unhelpful in family therapy (Furlong and Young, ; Hoffman, ; McNab and Kavner, ; Selvini Palazzoli et al ., ; Stratton, ; Watzlawick et al ., ). However, traditionally, systemic theorists have focused more on meaning and pattern and less on causal explanations and emotion, and thus both blame and shame have been undertheorized in the systemic literature.…”