What really helps? Divergent implications of talking to someone with an empathic mindset versus similar experience for shame and self‐evaluation in the wake of an embarrassing event

Abstract

What kinds of social interactions help individuals recover from an embarrassing experience? The present experiment examined the possibility that whereas individuals do not benefit from interacting with someone who is merely trying to understand and empathize, they do benefit from interacting with someone who has undergone the same experience and thus accurately understands their feelings. The ‘target’ member of 142 dyads performed an embarrassing task in front of the ‘perceiver’, after which they had a face‐to‐face discussion. Unbeknownst to targets, some perceivers did the task themselves beforehand, and some perceivers adopted an empathic mindset during the exchange. Perceivers’ previous experience predicted improvements in targets’ self‐evaluations that were mediated by more accurate perceptions of targets’ feelings. In contrast, perceivers’ empathic mindset had no benefits for targets, alone or in concert with prior experience. The only apparent benefits of perceivers’ empathic mindset were that perceivers felt more empathy and liking for targets (both undetected by targets), and felt viewed more favourably by targets (not corroborated by targets). These results suggest greater efficacy of perceiver experience over empathic concern in facilitating targets’ recovery from embarrassing events. Perceivers’ dispositional empathy, involving a different type of experience accumulated over time, also predicted benefits to targets.