What a Difference a Pronoun Makes

Biesen, Judith N.; Schooler, Deborah; Smith, David A.

doi:10.1177/0261927x15583114

Cited by 19 publications

(8 citation statements)

References 61 publications

(98 reference statements)

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“…As expected, participants rated statements that contained I-language as having a lower likelihood of evoking a defensive reaction compared with statements that contained you-language. This result is consistent with earlier findings that report a superiority of I-language over you-language for conflict communication (Bieson, Schooler & Smith, 2016; Kubany et al, 1992a, 1992b, 1995a, 1995b; Simmons, Gordon & Chambless, 2005). …”

Section: Discussionsupporting

confidence: 93%

“…For example, Simmons, Gordon & Chambless (2005) reported that a higher proportion of I-language and a lower proportion of you-language was associated with better problem solving and higher marital satisfaction. Similarly, Bieson, Schooler & Smith (2016) found that more frequent you-language during face-to-face conflict discussion was negatively associated with interaction quality of couples.…”

Section: I-language and You-languagementioning

confidence: 88%

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I understand you feel that way, but I feel this way: the benefits of I-language and communicating perspective during conflict

Rogers

Howieson

Neame

2018

PeerJ

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Using hypothetical scenarios, we provided participants with potential opening statements to a conflict discussion that varied on I/you language and communicated perspective. Participants rated the likelihood that the recipient of the statement would react in a defensive manner. Using I-language and communicating perspective were both found to reduce perceptions of hostility. Statements that communicated both self- and other-perspective using I-language (e.g. ‘I understand why you might feel that way, but I feel this way, so I think the situation is unfair’) were rated as the best strategy to open a conflict discussion. Simple acts of initial language use can reduce the chances that conflict discussion will descend into a downward spiral of hostility.

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Section: Discussionsupporting

confidence: 93%

Section: I-language and You-languagementioning

confidence: 88%

I understand you feel that way, but I feel this way: the benefits of I-language and communicating perspective during conflict

Rogers

Howieson

Neame

2018

PeerJ

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“…One key tenet stemming from this model is the spillover hypothesis , which posits that variation in couple relationship quality contributes to variation in the quality of parent-child interactions ( 19 ). Numerous studies have documented links between couple relationship quality and self-focus [e.g., ( 20 )], but much less is known about their independence and interplay as predictors of caregiving. By adopting a couples design the current study addressed this gap by examining the associations between self-focus, wellbeing, couple relationship quality and caregiving sensitivity in first-time mothers and fathers.…”

Section: Introductionmentioning

confidence: 99%

Two's Company, Three's a Crowd? Maternal and Paternal Talk About Their Infant Differs in Associations With Wellbeing, Couple Relationship Quality, and Caregiving Sensitivity

et al. 2020

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Problems of depression and anxiety are common in early parenthood and adversely affect parenting quality (1). Rumination is closely linked to poor wellbeing (2), suggesting that self-focus may be one mediator of the association between wellbeing and caregiving [e.g., (3)]. Framed within an international study of first-time mothers and fathers (4), the current study included 396 British mothers and fathers (in 198 heterosexual cohabiting couple relationships) of first-born 4-month-old infants. Parents reported on their symptoms of depression, anxiety and satisfaction in their couple relationship. Five-minute speech samples were transcribed and coded for parents' pronoun use (i.e., “I” and either infant- or partner-inclusive use of “We”), whilst observations in the Still-Face paradigm were coded for parental sensitivity to infants' cues. Our first goal was to test whether new parents' self-focus was associated with wellbeing and couple relationship quality. We also examined whether (i) self-focus mediated the expected association between wellbeing and caregiving sensitivity and (ii) couple relationship quality moderated the expected association between self-focus and caregiver sensitivity. Finally, we compared results for mothers and fathers. Our results illustrate gender-specific associations. First, although mean levels of self-focus and partner-inclusive talk were similar for mothers and fathers, infant-inclusive use of the “we” pronoun was higher in mothers than fathers. Second, self-focus was unrelated to either mothers' or fathers' wellbeing, but was associated with fathers' report of reduced couple relationship quality. In addition, poor perinatal wellbeing was associated with reduced partner-inclusive talk for fathers, but with reduced use of infant-inclusive talk for mothers. Third, mediation models suggest that reduced infant-inclusive talk underpins the association between poor wellbeing and reduced sensitivity in mothers, but not fathers. Fourth, in the context of good couple relationship quality, mothers' elevated partner-inclusive talk was associated with reduced caregiving sensitivity. These findings are discussed in terms of their implications for interventions to support new mothers and fathers, who may benefit from distinct strategies to foster attention to their developing infant.

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“…One of the historically accepted dictums within the lore of interpersonal communication is that the use of 'I-language' (talking about your own feelings/perspectives) as opposed to 'you-language', particularly during conflict among romantic intimates, is less likely to result in negative emotions and more likely to lead to cooperation from the recipient (Bieson, Schooler & Smith, 2016;Kidder, 2017;Kubany, Richard, Bauer, & Muraoka, 1992, 1995a, 1995bRogers, Howieson, & Neame, 2018). The popularity of I-statements as a conflict resolution device is longstanding and was originally broached by the American psychologist Thomas Gordon (1970) who coined the term 'I messages', which was an extension of Carl Rogers' (1951) encouragement of couples to take responsibility for their own feelings by using I-statements to communicate with one another.…”

Section: Introductionmentioning

confidence: 99%

“…In contrast, attribution theory predicts that when speakers blame their partners for their negative feelings (i.e., make an external attribution), an inhospitable reaction is likely. Over the last half century, the use of I-statements to communicate one's feelings and mitigate conflict has thus been widely encouraged across both academic and self-help psychological literature (see Bieson, Schooler & Smith, 2016;Bloomquist, 2012;Bruneau & Saxe, 2012;Hargie, 2011;Heydenberk & Heydenberk, 2007;Kidder, 2017;Moore, 2014;Rogers, Howieson, & Neame, 2018;Simmons, Gordon & Chambless 2005;Whitcomb & Whitcomb, 2013).…”

Section: Introductionmentioning

confidence: 99%

Failure of I-statements for Mitigating Interpersonal Conflict in Arguments Between Young Adult Couples

Korobov

2020

SMC

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This study examines how young adult romantic couples use I-language (talk about one’s own feelings or thoughts) in arguments that emerge in the couple’s natural contexts. A discourse analytic approach is used to examine how I-language is used in conflict among young adult intimates. Focus is given to the role that evaluations and assessments play in managing talk about one’s feelings during arguments. One of the central findings is that arguments tend to be intiated with I-language feelings talk. However, rather than stymieing conflict, I-language use was met with deflection that utilized objective rejoinders. However, when I-language was built not simply as a way of showing how one felt, but rather to show an awareness of the other’s feelings or the overall dynamic in general (a kind of meta-subjective awareness), I-language did tend to promote alignment and/or affiliation. This study thus offers a helpful window into not only the lived everyday texture of young adult couples argumentative interactions, but also a micro-analytic look at how those interactions both falter and at times succeed in circumventing conflict.

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What a Difference a Pronoun Makes

Cited by 19 publications

References 61 publications

I understand you feel that way, but I feel this way: the benefits of I-language and communicating perspective during conflict

I understand you feel that way, but I feel this way: the benefits of I-language and communicating perspective during conflict

Two's Company, Three's a Crowd? Maternal and Paternal Talk About Their Infant Differs in Associations With Wellbeing, Couple Relationship Quality, and Caregiving Sensitivity

Failure of I-statements for Mitigating Interpersonal Conflict in Arguments Between Young Adult Couples

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