?Thirty nothing?: What do counsellors know about mature single women who wish for a child and a family?

Abstract

Abstract.The following paper examines the emergence of a wish for a child among women in general, and the socio-psychological pressure awaiting unwed women who are over 30 years old. Though there has been some consensus among researchers that it is the institution of motherhood that perpetuates women's oppression, and not the experience itself, there have been very few studies on the experience of motherhood as a choice. The study of a wish for a child in mature age may clarify concepts such as femininity, womanhood, female sexuality, and motherhood. The paper suggests that the experience of unwed mothers is a unique framework for such an examination, and present a case study from a longitudinal research on unwed mothers in Israel.

Motherhood as a Narrative of Moral Resistance

“…Whereas "markers events" such as marriage and death are concrete, observable, and may even have rituals and celebrations attached to them (Schlossberg, 1984), childless non-married women over thirty, who failed to actualize their dream of motherhood, live with the absence of an event. Their failure to actualize their wish for a child undergoes no ritual nor defines celebration, a position that I previously defined as "Thirty Nothing" (Linn, 1996a). In this context, the narrative of mature single mothers by choice takes on a complex identity (Richardson & Robinson, 1993), as "one's self identity is the story one tells one's self of who one is" (Laing, 1969, p.93).…”

“…What constitutes the narrative of mature women who deliberately and consciously decide to take upon themselves the "powerful" as well as "oppressive" position of motherhood (Gergen & Gergen, 1986;Gordon, 1994;Linn, 1991Linn, , 1996aLudtke, 1997;McKaughan, 1987;Merritt & Steiner, 1984;Renovize, 1986;Siegel, 1995a,b)? How does the narrative grow to include a decision to convert physicality into both knowledge and power (Rich, 1989)?…”

“…The personal accomplishment of "never married" (Davis, 1994), "unmarried" (Lewis, 1998), "older single women" (Siegel, 1995a), single mothers "by choice" (Bock, 2000) or "as a choice" (Siegel, 1995b), or "mature unwed mothers" (Linn, 1991) suggests that dominant meanings are further embedded in everyday language and commonplace metaphors (Hare-Mustin & Marecek, 1994). The growing number of mature women who "refuse to see marriage as their destiny, as men have always refused to see it" (Heilbrun, 1988, p.88) further suggests that we are not entirely aware of the whole narrative of motherhood as an important separate component in women's lives (Johnson, 1988;Laird, 1989;Linn, 1996a;Ludtke, 1997).…”

“…It is inevitably linked to the counseling setting where we often relate to age as "an important determinant of the impact of stigmatization" (Worell, 1988, p.5). Age 30 is often used metaphorically in western society, as well as in the counseling settings as a cut off point (Linn, 1996a).…”

Suppressing and Priming the Motivation for Motherhood

“…As well, motherhood is generally legitimized only in the context of marriage (Rich 1976); women who have children outside this framework are viewed as having stepped out of the social stream (Linn 2002). Society also stipulates the appropriate age of marriage and childbirth, with adolescent pregnancy being frowned upon (Gerson 1994) and childbirth after the age of 30 being considered "late" (e.g., Linn 1996).…”