The Real Versus the Ideal

Abstract

Marriage is a rite of passage in U.S. culture influenced by fairy-tale expectations presented in the media and perpetuated through gender role socialization. Our study tested endorsement of marriage myths and benevolent sexism as predictors of engaged heterosexual college women's premarital relationship outcomes and psychological well-being. Women in heterosexual relationships (N ¼ 99) completed an online questionnaire 6-12 months before their wedding. Results indicated endorsement of marriage myths predicted positive experiences, whereas benevolent sexism predicted negative experiences. However, several interactions indicated that women who rejected marriage myths but endorsed benevolent sexism showed more negative patterns including lower relationship satisfaction and confidence, lower educational expectations, and higher depression. Results are interpreted using self-discrepancy theory such that when actual and ideal experiences are congruent, higher relationship satisfaction and more positive well-being results, whereas discrepant actual-ideal experiences predict dissatisfaction and more negative wellbeing. These results have implications for counseling couples on holding realistic expectations for their romantic partners. Marriage counselors can advise couples about the potential negative consequences of endorsing benevolent sexism. Exposure of common myths or unrealistic expectations about one's partner and relationship may decrease the real-ideal discrepancy and increase marital satisfaction, thus increasing the likelihood of relationship longevity.

Relationship (in)security is central to the sources and outcomes of sexist attitudes

“…However, no romantic relationship can realistically meet these expectations, and such unrealistic expectations are especially troublesome when problems do inevitably arise (McNulty & Karney, 2004). Women who endorse benevolent sexism experience steeper drops in satisfaction when they encounter problems in their relationship or when partners behave in hurtful ways (Casad, Salazar, & Macina, 2015;Hammond & Overall, 2013). Thus, the romantic promises that make benevolent sexism appealing also place women in a more vulnerable position when their relationship encounters difficulties or if their relationship dissolves.…”

How Intimate Relationships Contribute to Gender Inequality: Sexist Attitudes Encourage Women to Trade Off Career Success for Relationship Security

“…Moreover, trading personal ambition and success in favor of security within intimate relationships makes it even more important that intimate relationships are successful (Hammond & Overall, 2013b). Accordingly, women who endorse benevolent sexism become more dissatisfied when their relationship does not live up to the idealized version of relationships promised or when those ideals cannot be realized because their partner does not also endorse benevolent sexism (Casad, Salazar, & Macina, 2015;Hammond & Overall, 2013b, 2014Overall et al, 2011). Rather than obtaining security in relationships, women who endorse benevolent sexism become more dependent on intimate relationships, and this heightened dependence makes it more difficult to satisfy their relationship needs (see bottom of Figure 1).…”

Well-Being and Romantic Relationships: A Systematic Review in Adolescence and Emerging Adulthood

“…From this perspective, romantic relationships, when sustained over time, constitute a transformation of the attachment bond. The quality of the relationship, the history of the shared experiences, the sense of attachment, and the beliefs which arise from the whole experience have all been recognized as modulating the well-being of the partners [32,33,34,35,36,37,38,39,40]. Despite the fact that the wide range of aspects mentioned in the research makes it difficult to establish how direct an effect these relationships have on well-being, there is a broad consensus in the literature that love is one of the strengths most closely linked to personal happiness [41,42], and is associated with higher rates of self-esteem, safety, satisfaction with life, positive affect, and achievement of personal and relational goals [43,44,45,46].…”